


Turning Back To You

by Nuestjjang07



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22278025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuestjjang07/pseuds/Nuestjjang07
Summary: Single parent Hwang Minhyun brought his adoptive daughter to a clinic because of her high fever only to find out the doctor was Kim Jonghyun, his ex-lover and the said child's supposed to be their daughter.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Comments: 169
Kudos: 237





	1. Minhyun

**Author's Note:**

> A shout-out to [Jju_nyaaa](https://t.co/g6QFK73vvm) for helping us and being our co-sperm buddy and Cheeseburger-nim for giving us the idea! ❤️

Minhyun is awakened by the small arms that hugged him. He glances down at his daughter worriedly. It's been a week and his daughter is still sick. Although his co-worker, Pinky, assured him that it's normal for toddlers to have cases like this, still, it worries him. 

Juyeon's fever has been on and off for a week already, and though his trusted, now former, pedia told them that there's no serious problem, still it worries him - to the point that he asked Pinky if she knows someone who can be a reliable second opinion. And today, he is bringing Juyeon to the said clinic.

They arrived at the clinic in no time. Juyeon looks up to him and beams, and Minhyun offers the same smile in return and takes her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Juyeon squeezes back with her small hand and it brings warmth into his heart. It's funny really; he was the one who should be doing the reassuring yet it's his daughter who’s doing it, as if she's not scared at all. 

Of course, he knows that that isn't the case. Because like how Juyeon knows him like the back of her hand, he knows his daughter too. 

He knows that, even though Juyeon is smiling at him as if hospitals and doctors were nothing to her at all, she is actually scared and nervous. And he sees that in the small details that Juyeon tries to hide. The way her brows furrow when she thinks he isn't looking, the way she unconsciously bites her nail every time the clinic doors open, and the way she holds her breath whenever the nurse calls out for a patient. Minhyun can see the way his daughter freezes and how her adorable small pink lips lets out a sigh of relief whenever she realizes it's not their turn yet. 

_She got this from her dad_ , he thinks to himself with a fond smile. But that smile passes as soon as he realizes that he is thinking of him again. 

_He's in his thoughts again._

Minhyun sighs as he watches a daughter and her two fathers go inside the clinic. It's hilarious how he feels a slight pang seeing that. It's been years already, and though, yes, he had long accepted the fact that there’s only Juyeon and him, still the trio… it gives him that feeling. Especially when the man who was supposed to be with him and his daughter keeps on popping up in his mind again. 

And as if Juyeon can read what's going on in his mind, his daughter gives his hand a comforting squeeze, just like how her would-have-been other dad used to do. Minhyun smiles at his daughter and pulls her up on his lap. She giggles when he tickles her and makes that pouty face when he doesn't stop. 

Juyeon is slowly turning into an exact copy of _that person in his mind_. And though most of the time, he smiles at it, other times, it makes him think of the other person. Wondering how it would be like if he's here. 

_In times like those… it gets hard._

Especially when Minhyun doesn't want to be reminded of him and all the what ifs. The things he should have forgotten long ago, _the shared knowing smiles, the feeling of his hand in his, and those beautiful bright round eyes._ He should have forgotten those vivid images of him. But apparently, he hasn't. 

"Dad?" Juyeon calls his attention, looking at him worriedly with her small hands on each of his cheek. Minhyun shakes his head and places a peck on his daughter's forehead and smiles. 

"Are you nervous?"

"Of course not, Dad," Juyeon huffs, "I can do this. I'm a big girl now. I can take the flu shot well." 

"Really?" He asks teasingly, and Juyeon nods with confidence. It makes him chuckle how Juyeon is acting like a brave girl (she is) and it's like how _that person_ was. The way she would always put on a brave front, just so not to make him worry, but of course it's to no avail. 

Because just like _that person_ , Juyeon sucks at it. Sucks at hiding how the way her voice shakes a little and how her hand is a bit clammy. 

"Number 16!" 

The assistant nurse calls them, and at that, Juyeon's brave front crumbles. He watches as Juyeon glances at the doctor's office, biting her lip in worry so Minhyun places a kiss on her forehead, assuring her that it will be okay. That she doesn't need to be scared. 

Juyeon looks at him in understanding and smiles. It's funny how without even him saying anything, his daughter understands. 

Just like her other dad. 

Juyeon then holds his hand tight and he takes that as the cue that his daughter is ready. He stands and places a kiss on his daughter's hair as they walk, hand in hand, into the clinic, rubbing calming circles on the back of her hand until he sees the doctor. The sight of him makes him stop in his tracks.

The man who kept popping up in his thoughts. 

The man whom he wished he'll never meet again. 

_Kim Jonghyun_. 

Funny how the moment their eyes met, he was reminded of that day. It was just an ordinary day, the first time they met. Just like this, in a clinic. The university clinic, to be exact.

Minhyun, let's just say, was not so keen on studying. That day, he was feeling so lazy that he decided to ditch class by acting sick. His acting was apparently so good that the professor bought it and he was sent to the clinic. 

When he entered, no one was there; no doctor or nurse, except for one guy. Their eyes met the moment he opened the door. He was lying on the bed, murmuring something to him, and without realizing, Minhyun was already there beside him, his hand on Jonghyun's forehead. He can still remember how Jonghyun's fever was so high that it felt almost too hot to touch.

He helped Jonghyun then - well, _help_ was an understatement because he acted more like a nurse; assisting Jonghyun to go to the bathroom to vomit, rubbing circles on his back as he does so, cleaning up after him and putting a cold towel on his forehead to reduce his fever, and even keeping watch on him; that by the time the nurse got back, Jonghyun's fever went down a lot. 

And that's how they started.

And just like how they were brought together by fate that day, it seems like that's the case today too.

He feels a tight squeeze on his hand and glances down at his daughter. Fate must be really playing a game with them again.

He stares at Jonghyun, reading his expression, looking for a semblance of the man he once knew. He hasn't seen Jonghyun in so long, and he has lost count of the many years that have passed since they've separated. Was it three years? Four years? Or five? He has lost track of the time.

Yet it seems that it's only him, especially when Jonghyun is looking at him with no qualms or whatsoever straight in the eyes; as if nothing happened between them, as if they were mere strangers, as if he was just another parent who brought in one of his patients.

"Good morning, little one, I am Kim Jonghyun, and I'll be the doctor who'll make the bad guys in your body go away," Jonghyun said, beaming at his daughter and offering his knuckles for a fist bump.

Juyeon glances at her dad as if asking for permission. He smiles in answer, trying to control his expression as he watches Juyeon bump her fist with Jonghyun, her would-have-been father. He watches how the would-have-been father smiles - not even affected at all.

"Please take a seat," Jonghyun says, sitting in his desk. "I take it that this is her first time visiting this hospital?" Jonghyun asks.

"Yes, this is our first time here," Minhyun says, staring straight at Jonghyun as the other hums, unbothered, writing and reading something on his laptop.

"She has been suffering from fever for a week, and though she was prescribed some medicine, it didn't work?" Jonghyun asks, still all eyes on his laptop.

"Yeah..." He answers, voice a little shaky, watching Jonghyun go over his daughter’s medical files. It's irking him how Jonghyun can remain calm and professional while Minhyun just wants to get the hell out of here. Of all people, why does he have to meet Jonghyun again?

Jonghyun then looks up from his laptop and meets him in the eye - and for a second, he sees something there but before he can even register what it is, the wall is back again. Jonghyun looks away and stares at his daughter, that freaking smile back on his face.

"Juyeonnie, can I call you like that?" He asked the little girl in front of him.

Juyeon nodded. She then holds onto Minhyun's hand tightly, and he takes her to sit on his lap. He then rubs circles on Juyeon's back, relaxing her, and plants kisses on her hair. The whole time, Jonghyun stared at them and somehow he saw a tinge of emotion in his eyes. 

"And how old are you?" Jonghyun asks again, still addressing his daughter. Minhyun notices the sudden change in his tone, rather than the cold and too professional way he welcomed them, Jonghyun's voice became… gentle.

A shy smile on her face appeared as she slowly raises her hand, "I am five years old." 

"Hmm.. five, then you're already a big girl!" Jonghyun beams, making Juyeon chuckle and nod.

Minhyun notices Jonghyun giving his daughter a once-over. His brows are knitted, a sign that he was thinking about something. Is he thinking what Minhyun thinks he is thinking? Well, if he isn't that dense, he would already know who Juyeon is in his life, _in their lives_.

Juyeon looks around the clinic and he follows her line of sight. Then she runs towards the small cabinet beside the medical equipment.

Juyeon points at the cabinet and turns to Jonghyun, "Oh? You have a very cute Squirtle stuffed toy in here."

"Yes, I do. Do you like them?” Jonghyun asks, chin propped on his hand and smiling at Juyeon,”I can give you one if you like." His daughter nods excitedly and Jonghyun walks toward the cabinet. He chose the medium-sized stuffed toy and gave it to Juyeon and the kid hugged the toy tightly.

"I love Squirtle because dad also loves him so much!" Juyeon giggles, not letting go of the toy Jonghyun gave her. Juyeon's comment made Minhyun blush hard. It was as if she said Minhyun loves Jonghyun in front of him because they both knew, Squirtle equals Jonghyun.

"...is that so?" Jonghyun asks, glancing at Minhyun. The cold façade is gone, replaced by warmth, with his eyes full of emotions, guilt, apology, and… sadness?

Minhyun looks away. This is getting a little awkward. Maybe a bit too awkward for him.

The doctor clears his throat, still trying to keep his emotions in check but fails miserably, and asks him. "What happened to her?"

Hearing that voice, that soft voice, again makes him feel things and makes his heart skip a beat. Which shouldn't be the case since he thought he has already moved on. The bitterness, yes he is supposed to feel bitter, but this? To still be affected by these small things? He cannot understand himself.

 _Minhyun, focus. You're here for Juyeon_. _Please, focus._ He says to himself.

"She’s had a fever for a week now. It was on and off and at night her temperature rises. Up until this morning, her fever hasn't gone down yet." Minhyun explains.

Jonghyun walks towards Juyeon and kneels in front of her, "Juyeon-ah, can I check up on you?" Juyeon gulps nervously but agrees with a nod. Jonghyun squeezes Juyeon's hand and smiles at her reassuringly to calm her down before taking her to the bed. Jonghyun sits Juyeon on the bed then checks her heartbeat; afterwards, Jonghyun then takes her temperature.

"She still has a slight fever,” Jonghyun states, patting Juyeon’s hair. “I will give her a shot for her fever today and prescribe something, but, I need her to undergo some lab tests, so we can pinpoint what’s causing her fever. Is that okay?" Jonghyun asks.

Minhyun glances at his daughter and sees the little one gulping. Jonghyun, noticing Juyeon's nervousness, offers a reassuring smile. "I promise it won’t hurt, Juyeonnie." 

Juyeon then nods, and Jonghyun smiles. The exchange between the two almost warmed Minhyun's heart—seeing the way Jonghyun is so warm towards Juyeon, and Juyeon, though a little careful with Jonghyun, seems to have opened up to him that she’s not even asking Minhyun about it.

Jonghyun brushes Juyeon’s hair, then nods to Minhyun to stand next to Juyeon as he prepares the shot. Juyeon then tugs on his hand and looks at him. "Dad, I'm scared. It won't really hurt?"

"Do you want me to take the shot first? I'll show you. It won't really hurt." Minhyun says. The girl nods. He is also not that good at taking shots but he could do everything for his girl. Jonghyun who’s been listening, smiles at him.

“I’ll do your dad first, then.” Jonghyun said, taking an extra syringe and walks toward them. Jonghyun nods for him to sit on the bed, and starts his preparations for the fake shot. For a brief moment, Jonghyun holds his arm, cleans a part of it with cotton drenched in alcohol and then holds it tighter to inject the vaccine. But he feels nothing because his chest is the one that’s aching, his heart beating so fast. He is not nervous of the injection, but of this - the sudden, unnecessary skinship.

He smiles to his baby girl. "See? It didn't hurt. I told you. You can do it, Ju."

Jonghyun looks at him, surprise evident on his face because that was his nickname for him, Jju, but it quickly vanishes and is replaced by an expression that Minhyun can’t quite decipher. Jonghyun then lets go of his arm, then turns to Juyeon. 

“Your turn, Juyeonnie,” Jonghyun says softly and Juyeon nods. “Did it hurt?” Jonghyun asks, pressing the area, and Juyeon shakes her head. “It didn’t.”

“I’m glad, you’re one brave girl, Juyeonnie.” Jonghyun smiles, giving Juyeon her after-shot lollipop. 

“How about Dad?” Juyeon asks and Jonghyun chuckles and gives him a lollipop too, before walking back to his desk.

“Thanks,” Minhyun murmurs, carrying Juyeon and walking towards Jonghyun.

“You’re welcome,” Jonghyun answers,writing the prescription and recommendation for the lab tests. Juyeon, hearing children her age play in the waiting area where all sorts of toys are present, suddenly runs and goes outside. Minhyun need not follow her because the door was left ajar and they can see her now showing off her new stuffed toy.

"So... you're married now?" Jonghyun asks, surprising Minhyun with his personal question.

"Uh, no. I think I won’t get married anytime soon. I'm busy taking care of Juyeon." He answers.

"Then… who is she?" Jonghyun asks.

"Seriously, Jonghyun? I mean," He takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself. "It's none of your business, _Doc_. Can I already have the prescription so we can be on our way?" Minhyun asks, albeit annoyed. Has he really forgotten Juyeon? They even named her together.

Jonghyun looks him in the eyes. "Minhyun-ah..." There he goes again. That sweet voice. Just the way he used to call him.

"The prescription, please?" He repeats. He needs to get away from here, from _him_.

Jonghyun sighs and hands him the prescription. He is about to exit the clinic when he hears him ask.

"Is she… is… is Juyeon supposed to be our daughter?"

Minhyun doesn't even look back and just walks away. He calls his daughter and together they leave the clinic.

It’s not yet 11:30 in the morning but Minhyun's already feeling exhausted.


	2. Flashback: Walls

_Minhyun climbed over the **wall** and was about to jump. The last period just ended and he needed to get his bag back. Yes, he ditched class (again) with only his wallet and phone in his pocket._

_He almost fell down when he saw a guy just finishing a stick of cigarette. Cigarette smoking was certainly not allowed on university grounds. Well, what he’s doing is not allowed either, so to each their own._

_The guy looked up and saw him. Minhyun recognized him as the same guy that he helped in the clinic. He was so surprised at the sudden eye contact that he lost his balance. The guy tried to catch him but he was too heavy for and so they both fell on the ground._

_“It’s you.” The clinic guy told him with a chuckle, looking up at him._

_“Y-yeah,” He answered, quicky standing up and helping the other guy. “so, uh—you smoke?”_

_The other guy smirked and glanced at where he came from. “And you climb over walls.”_

_“Uhm… about that…” Minhyun starts, scratching his nape and staring at the guy._

_"Don’t worry, I won't tell on you as long as you won’t tell on me." The guy told him and he nods. "By the way, I’m Kim Jonghyun."_

____________

_"How can you forget this day? It's our anniversary!" Minhyun said, disappointment all over his face. "You could have at least called me so I would not have to wait for you for hours."_

_"I’m sorry, Minhyun-ah, I was so busy the whole day that I forgot." Jonghyun explained._

_"And you think I wasn’t? I am busy too, Jonghyun." Minhyun said._

_"I know. I told you I'm sorry. Can we please not talk about this today? I'll make it up to you, promise. Come on, we still have some time left. We can still celebrate, you know?"_

_They celebrated, but a thin **wall** started to build up in Minhyun's heart. _

  
  



	3. Jonghyun (by bugiiwonderland)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m here, are you ready? 😈 *evil laughs*
> 
> Disclaimer: We are not in the medical field, so please excuse the medical inaccuracies. Google, medscape, and Ms. G (who I bug from time to time) are the the closest that we can get to the medical world. 😂
> 
> PS: THANK YOU G! I WUV YOU ❤️  
> -Anjju 😝

As soon as the door closes, the mask plastered on Jonghyun’s face falls. He leans against his chair’s headrest and stares at the ceiling. There are so many things going on in his mind right now. Too many thoughts and questions, he doesn’t even know where to start. Alongside them are feelings that he doesn’t know how to handle. 

He was never a multi-tasker and when a situation like this arises, it was Minhyun who always put things into perspective for him. It’s always been like that from the first time they met, until their last day together. That was—and possibly will always be—Minhyun’s role in his life. 

Funny how even after so many years—it’s still Minhyun. Even when Minhyun has long since left him, even when a lot of things have changed, it’s still Minhyun he longs to lean on. 

But of course, his role in Minhyun’s life has ended and it hurts to realize that again. 

_Hurt_ isn’t even enough to describe the pain that he’s feeling right now. The moment he saw the two, it felt like everything in his life turned into shambles again. The life that he had steadily built after _that day_ just crumbled in an instant—but that is nothing compared to how he felt the whole time Minhyun and Juyeon were in his clinic. 

How every time he saw Minhyun looking lovingly at Juyeon, it’s like a knife straight into his heart—stabbing him over and over again. As Juyeon’s angelic and innocent smile tore him apart, that all he wanted to do was cry—scream at how unfair everything is, beg to whoever God is out there to stop whatever joke he’s playing. 

He doesn’t even know how he made it through all of that. How he handled the matter in a cool-headed way when everything inside him was breaking apart. 

Maybe those years of lying to himself have finally paid off. _Maybe._

He glances back to his monitor and stares at Juyeon’s profile. He knows Minhyun wasn’t lying to him when he said that he didn’t marry and although that should make him feel better, Jonghyun actually feels the opposite. 

Because he knows that it can only mean one thing. 

He closes his eyes and takes a trip down memory lane. A time wherein everything between him and Minhyun were still going well. 

The time they spent at the orphanage. 

He remembers those days vividly. It was him who brought Minhyun there and he was glad that he did. If there was something he can proudly say he did right in their relationship, it’s that. 

Minhyun had always been happy during those times. Smiling—beaming, even when his shoes had food stains on them. Laughing as a kid puts paint on his cheeks, and never throwing a tantrum or getting into a bad mood when the paint sticks to his clothes, ruining them for good. 

But what made Minhyun the happiest was the arrival of a beautiful baby girl in the orphanage.

He can still remember that day as if it had just happened yesterday. How Minhyun was so livid that Jonghyun had to calm him down first after Aaron, another volunteer at the orphanage, told them about the baby. Words aren’t enough to describe how furious Minhyun was—fists clenched, face red in anger, that he had to hold him the whole time Aaron was retelling the story, just to make sure Minhyun wouldn’t run out and hunt down the baby’s parents. That was the first time he had ever seen Minhyun so mad and he couldn’t blame him—he was mad too. After all, what kind of person, even if they’re not ready, would leave a baby on the steps of an orphanage in winter? 

It was all thanks to Mingi, one of the orphanage’s staff, bringing the baby into the room that Minhyun finally calmed down. The moment Minhyun laid his eyes on the beautiful angel, his face transformed into something so breathtaking that it took Jonghyun’s breath away. Minhyun’s face was full of pure adoration, of pure love, as he held the baby—the one that you would see in a mother when she holds her child for the first time. It’s at that moment that Jonghyun realized it’s time. 

That they’re ready to be parents. 

Sadly, things happened and that didn’t push through. 

Because he was a selfish bastard who fucks everything up. 

He takes a deep breath and sits up straighter. Reaching for the drawer on his desk, he opens it and takes a picture frame out. If there’s one thing he allowed himself to keep, after all his selfishness, after hurting Minhyun so much, it’s this: their picture.

“Little angel, it’s you, isn’t it?” he asks, voice soft and a little shaky, his thumb caressing the picture of the three of them. It was taken five years ago, the first and last picture that the three of them had, the one before he and Minhyun had broken up. “If it’s really you, I’m glad. Min—your dad… I’m sure he’ll take care of you and will always love you.” 

A tear drops on the picture frame and that’s when he realizes he has started crying. He takes a deep breath, fingers wiping the glass, and smiles sadly as what-ifs, regrets, and longing swarm him and threaten to eat him up. 

It’s his fault. If he weren't so selfish, if he weren't so immersed in his own life, his own problems—as if everything revolves around him—then maybe, just maybe, he would still be a part of their lives. 

Maybe he wouldn’t see them as his patients today. Maybe, if he had done things right, he’ll be carrying Juyeon right now, with his free hand holding Minhyun, as they go somewhere, have lunch, have ice cream, or even watch a movie. 

Maybe… maybe, and a lot of fucking maybe’s. 

He lets out a bitter laugh and leans back in his chair. 

“You’re really an arse, Kim Jonghyun,” he murmurs to himself, glancing at the picture frame on his desk. “You’re really one hell of an arse.” 

He takes a deep breath and puts the old picture frame back in his drawer. Taking one last glance, he closes it, and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes. 

_This isn’t the time for that, Jonghyun. Focus._

He takes a deep breath and starts clearing his thoughts—organizing them in neat little boxes just like how Minhyun had taught him, until he focuses on one. 

_Juyeon._

_And her heartbeat._

He sits straighter and goes back to his desk. Typing on his computer, clicking and opening every related case that may answer his suspicions. 

He was so absorbed with what he's doing, he doesn’t realize that he’s no longer alone. It’s only when his guest clears his throat that he realizes that.

“Hey,” he greets, voice still a little hoarse. 

“Hey, you.” Seongwu beams at him. Jonghyun smiles back. “Are you done?” 

“Uhm… not yet. Can you give me a few?” Jonghyun asks. Seongwu hums in answer, walking to and fro in his office. Jonghyun continues to work on his computer, checking then closing tabs when he thinks it’s unrelated to his suspicions.

“Was there something wrong with your last patient..?” Seongwu asks, walking towards the patient bed. Jonghyun's hand freezes typing midway and he glances at the bed, realizing that he didn’t tidy it back in place. For anyone else, that's normal, but not for him. He always fixes the bed as soon as the patient leaves. If it remains unmade, then it means that something is bothering him. This is exactly what Seongwu saw through.

“Nothing,” Jonghyun shrugs, voice still hoarse. He looks at his monitor and closes his eyes as the sound of rustling fabric fills the room. 

_Hopefully his suspicions are wrong and he just heard… things._

Glancing at Seongwu, he sees there are lines forming on the younger man’s forehead, a sign that Seongwu isn’t buying any of his lies. 

“Juyeon…” he starts to explain, not realizing his slip of tongue until Seongwu looks at him with a confused look. “My patient… she's been suffering from fever for a week.” 

Seongwu nods in understanding. “And I’m guessing that the parent only brought her in for check-up today?”

“No, he…” Jonghyun bites the inner cheek of his mouth, controlling the rush of emotions swarming as vivid images of Minhyun and Juyeon, smiling at him, fill his thoughts. “He took her to a doctor before but it didn’t work.”

“What did her lab results say?”

“She hasn’t undergone tests before, so I asked them to do it now.” 

“Then stop worrying, Jonghyun,” Seongwu lightly reprimands, looking at him disapprovingly. “You don’t know the lab results yet, and besides, you’re her doctor, so what’s there to worry about?” 

_That’s exactly the problem, Seongwu-yah._

He takes a deep breath, and nods. 

“Good,” Seongwu says, smiling at him reassuringly before turning to the bed again.

Jonghyun switches off his computer and starts packing his things. When he’s done, he glances back to Seongwu. A grateful smile plays on his lips as he watches the way the younger man fixes everything back in place, just like the way he did with Jonghyun's life. It’s all thanks to Seongwu that he’s here. He doesn’t even know what he did to deserve the man. Especially when he only brings havoc in people’s lives, hurting them, and dragging them down along with him. 

“Like what you’re looking at, Doctor Kim?” Seongwu teases, but he knows that Seongwu is only doing this to distract him from his thoughts.

“Maybe,” he teases back, walking towards Seongwu. He hugs the younger man tightly and rests his head on his shoulder.

“You’re really worried about her, huh?” Seongwu murmurs. Jonghyun bites his lip and nods. “What are you so worried about, Jonghyun..? Tell me.”

“Next time,” he replies, burying his face in Seongwu’s shoulder. When he hears Seongwu mumble a faint _‘okay’_ , Jonghyun closes his eyes. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, just standing as Seongwu lets him be, squeezing his hand every now and then, as Jonghyun fights back every feeling, putting them back in a box and locking them away. 

When he feels that he has everything under control, he places a light kiss on Seongwu’s neck. The younger man smiles, understanding what Jonghyun means. 

“Where do you want to eat today?” 

Seongwu turns to face him, fingers fixing his hair. “Hmmm… there’s a newly opened burger place two blocks away, and I heard they have amazing burgers and milkshakes. “Do you want to try it?” 

Jonghyun nods and smiles in answer and Seongwu beams, caressing his cheek. “Good.” 

Jonghyun leans his head onto Seongwu’s and closes his eyes. Basking in Seongwu’s warmth. He doesn’t know what he can do to repay Seongwu, and the love that younger man has always given him, especially with all the things that he put him through. Even now, even when they’re like this—Seongwu, without any second thoughts, stays with him, even when he knows that being with him is being with someone at a standstill. “Thank you, Seongwu-yah.” 

He feels Seongwu’s lips curve up and he wishes that it will stay like this. Unchanging in wherever they are now, without him hurting anyone. 

But he guesses it’s too late for that. No matter how much he tries to put everything in tiny boxes, locking and running away from them, they will chase after him, coming back over and over again. Whether it's Minhyun, or Seongwu, it will come back biting him in the end. Whether it's Minhyun or Seongwu, someone's bound to get hurt because of him in the end.

Because just like Minhyun, Seongwu is always willing to attend to his needs. The words that Minhyun would always tell him before—the same words that Seongwu is telling him now, will always haunt him, remind him of how selfish he truly is. 

_“Anything for you, Jonghyun.”_   
  


—

It’s when they’re at the restaurant having lunch that everything starts to go back to normal. And _again_ , it’s all thanks to Seongwu. 

Seongwu always knows how to handle him. How to save him from his thoughts, bring him to his safe haven, even if it’s just a façade, a bubble that would soon burst, before his thoughts or something else decides to take him away again. 

And that’s how their relationship started. 

It was five years ago when he had first met Seongwu. They were both in their last year of residency, assigned to the pediatric emergency care. During that time, they would just occasionally pass by each other in the halls. That is, until fate decided to bring them together by putting them in one team. Before Jonghyun knew it, he’s being sucked in by Seongwu’s cheerful personality, that even though he’s not the type to befriend people easily, it just happened. 

After all, as the saying goes, once Ong Seongwu gets his hands on you, you cannot escape him. And really, how can you not fall for Seongwu’s addictingly crazy antics and endearing charms? Jonghyun's thankful that he did. He doesn’t know how he would have survived that dreadful year without him. It was like hell—all the worst things happened at once, and it’s thanks to Seongwu, who was always there for him, that he survived. Seongwu held him up whenever he felt like he couldn't do things anymore, became his shoulder to lean on, someone he could always tell his problems to, someone who would understand what he’s going through, something that Minhyun, at the time—could not understand. 

He didn’t blame Minhyun for that, it’s not his fault, and it’s okay. It’s normal for Minhyun not to understand, when he, too, could not understand anything once Minhyun started ranting about bank reconciliations and income statements he couldn’t balance. Even when Minhyun had already explained to him countless times, Jonghyun would always stare at him dumbly and ask: _‘Why would a bank need to reconcile?’_ This always led to Minhyun laughing at him. 

“You’re smiling again,” Seongwu chirps, staring at him with a fond smile. Jonghyun tries his best not to act like a deer caught in the headlights. He relaxes his features and offers a shy smile as he takes a bite of his burger. “What are you thinking about?” 

Jonghyun takes his time chewing as bitterness fills his mouth. Once he’s done, he reaches for his cola and smiles again. “Just... how we met.” 

Seongwu chuckles and starts eating again. “God, you were so cold and heartless back then, Jong.” 

“Excuse me, I'm what?” 

“Cold and heartless, Jonghyun,” Seongwu repeats and he scoffs. The younger man chuckles at him. “Oh come on, stop pouting—you know it’s true. You were so cold and heartless that time, you won’t even talk to us unless it’s needed.” Jonghyun’s about to say something to defend himself but Seongwu clicks his tongue, telling him that he’s not yet finished. “Remember that time when a guardian threw a fit in the emergency ward because you told her cold-heartedly, without empathy, as if you’re just talking about the lunch menu, that her kid is suffering from leukemia?”

Jonghyun groans. He still remembers how the mother threw a fit, hitting him with her bag over and over again (he deserved it), yelling profanities at him, calling him names and even telling him how he shouldn’t be a doctor at all. And it’s thanks to the younger doctor that he got out of that mess. Seongwu, as soon as he found out what’s happening, put himself between the raging mother and Jonghyun, and ended up being the one hit by the bag as he pacified the guardian. Once their sunbaes arrived and took charge of the situation, Seongwu pulled Jonghyun into a room and for the first time ever since he started his residency in the hospital, asked him if he’s okay. 

He didn’t answer Seongwu and instead started crying, letting every bottled emotion he had for years take hold of him. Seongwu just let him be, hugging him, rubbing comforting circles on his back, until he calmed down. 

“Did I tell you how thankful I am for having you in my life?” 

“You did, countless times,” Seongwu grins, leaning closer towards him, chin propped in his hand, a hint of mischief on his face. _“But.”_

Jonghyun chuckles, knowing what’s running in Seongwu’s head. He does the same, leaning on the table, leaving a tiny gap between them. 

_“‘But’?”_ he echoes, tone playful, making the smile on Seongwu’s lips grow wider. 

“ _But, ‘thank you’,_ sometimes isn't enough, right?” Seongwu drawls, eyes sparkling with mischievousness. “Sometimes, a _kiss_ or two is needed.” 

Jonghyun inclines his head and kisses Seongwu on the cheek. “Like _this?”_

“Hmmm… close, but not enough.” 

He kisses Seongwu at the corners of his lips, and feels the younger man smile. “How about _this?_ ” he asks, voice not more than a whisper as his lips ghost over the corners of Seongwu’s, sending shivers on his skin. 

“Almost, but still not enough.” 

He gently pulls Seongwu’s chin and caresses his cheek. He stares into the younger doctor's eyes. Watching as Seongwu’s eyes dance with excitement at this game that they always play, and at the same time, he sees that warmth and adoration in his eyes, the one that he also began to love and wish he could give to Seongwu wholeheartedly too. 

He dips down and kisses Seongwu softly on the lips. Gently and sweetly, just like how Seongwu likes it. 

“And how about this?” he murmurs against Seongwu’s lips and the other hums.

“Just perfect.” 

He smiles and kisses him some more, glad that he made him happy, not realizing that someone is staring at them by the door, until he hears a soft whining behind him. He immediately moves away from Seongwu, and turns to see Minhyun looking pale, his hand covering Juyeon’s eyes. 

_Fuck._

“Dad, let me go!” Juyeon whines, pulling away from Minhyun’s grip. Jonghyun stares at Minhyun, watching as his hand falls to his side, fist clenching. Minhyun meets his eyes then, and Jonghyun sees the pain that he has inflicted on him, before Minhyun looks away and stares at Juyeon, who’s running towards them, the Squirtle stuffed toy in her arms. “Doctor Kim!”

“Is she your patient earlier?” Seongwu asks and Jonghyun nods, standing from his seat. He crouches, smiling at Juyeon with his arms wide open, waiting for the little angel to come to him. Juyeon’s smile becomes wider and the little munchkin runs faster, hitting him with too much force due to her excitement that they almost fall down the floor, if not for Seongwu, who immediately stands and reaches out to steady him. 

“Doctor Kim~” Juyeon beams, encircling her arms around his shoulders. And for the first time in his life, he understands what a parent might feel when they see their child. It’s like seeing the sun rising for the first time—the feeling leaves you breathless, awed, stupefied, as warmth fills his chest, replacing all the regrets, the self-loathing, and every negative feeling that he has with hope, with love, and all he wants to do is to keep Juyeon safe, protect her and give her the world. Without realizing it, his eyes turns glassy, as he looks at Juyeon with a smile. Juyeon cups his cheek and inclines her head. “Why are you crying, doctor?” 

Jonghyun shakes his head. “I’m not crying, Juyeon-ah, you’re just a little… uhm… heavy,” he teases, grimacing and making Juyeon huff. Juyeon releases her hold on him, aiming to hopdown, but Jonghyun stands and carries her in his arms. Juyeon pouts. 

“You said, ‘I’m heavy’,” she huffs. Jonghyun chuckles, pinching Juyeon’s small adorable nose. 

“You are, but it’s okay.” 

“But I’m _heavy,”_ Juyeon stresses stubbornly, reminding Jonghyun so much of Minhyun. Minhyun would always act like this whenever he teased him. A part of him is happy that Juyeon got that adorable trait from her dad, while another part of him is going through those dangerous thoughts again. If he had been there with them, would Juyeon get his traits too? 

Jonghyun feels a warm hand on his cheek and he shakes away his thoughts before it manifests into something more. He smiles at Juyeon, and she returns the smile. “And like I said, it’s okay.” 

“If you say so,” Juyeon answers like an adult, making him and Seongwu laugh. Hearing that, Juyeon turns and faces Seongwu, a curious look on her face. “Who is he?”

“He’s…” Jonghyun trails off, not knowing how to answer. How can he even explain to Juyeon who Ong Seongwu is in his life, when he was supposed to be part of her life, and that her dad, no matter how twisted their situation, is still… 

“A friend,” Seongwu answers, smiling at him. He thanks the younger man with a smile, and Seongwu subtly shakes his head.

“Your friend?” Juyeon asks in the same adult tone, looking back at him. He nods in answer and Juyeon looks back at Seongwu, staring at him as if giving him a once-over, “I see…” 

He and Seongwu both laugh, and Juyeon looks at him quizzically, her small eyebrow raising, “What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing, Juyeon-ah,” Jonghyun answers. “This is Seongwu by the way, he’s also a doctor like me,” he introduces the two, and Seongwu offers his hand for Juyeon to shake. Juyeon stares at Seongwu’s hand then glances at Jonghyun, and when he smiles at her, to tell her that it’s okay, Juyeon takes Seongwu’s hand and shakes it. 

“Nice to meet you, Juyeon-ah,” Seongwu says with a smile, then glances behind Jonghyun, slightly bowing at someone. He and Juyeon both turn and they see Minhyun, smiling—but Jonghyun knows that it’s one of those fake smiles. Something that Minhyun often wears when he’s not exactly happy. 

Juyeon then reaches for Minhyun, and the fake smile vanishes, replaced by a warm smile as Minhyun takes Juyeon in his arms. 

“I’m sorry that my daughter interrupted your… _date._ ” Jonghyun tries his best not to wince at the way Minhyun said it, coldly, like a bucket full of ice was poured over him. As he kneels down to take the Squirtle stuffed toy that Juyeon left on the floor, Jonghyun glances at Seongwu and notices that the other man is still smiling, not a hint of understanding on what Minhyun just did. 

“No, it’s okay, I’m actually happy that I’ve met her,” Seongwu pauses, smiling fondly at Juyeon then glancing at the Squirtle stuffed toy in his hand, “especially when it seems that Jonghyun is fond of her.” 

Minhyun looks at Seongwu with his eyebrow raised, and Seongwu chuckles and nods towards the stuffed toy. “Jonghyun, he doesn’t give his most-prized possession to anyone, even if someone cries over it.” 

“Oh… I see,” Minhyun replies. Jonghyun can feel Minhyun staring at him, and he ignores it. He doesn’t want to know—he can’t. Not with the hundreds of thoughts, of feelings running on his mind. He gives Juyeon the Squirtle stuffed toy, and she beams and thanks him before hugging the toy tight. “We’ll be leaving then, say goodbye to them, Juyeon-ah.” 

“But dad—” Minhyun clicks his tongue, and Juyeon pouts. The two then stare at each other, Juyeon waiting for her dad to give in, while Minhyun, on the other hand, is standing his ground. 

Another thought then forms in Jonghyun's mind: If he’s there with them, what would be his role? Will he be always on Juyeon’s side? Or would he be on Minhyun’s? Looking at Juyeon, it’s probably the former. He knows that he won’t be able to say no to the beautiful angel and will probably spoil her. He can imagine Minhyun going nuts over that—getting mad at him for buying Juyeon another toy, reprimanding him if he buys Juyeon cakes or ice cream twice a day, and probably telling him off for spoiling her and giving in to all her wishes without even batting an eye. 

He hears a soft sigh coming from Juyeon, and it’s like something huge had stung him. Juyeon looks at him and he nods, offering a small smile, telling her to listen to her dad. The little angel then nods, glances at Seongwu, and says her goodbye. And when it’s his turn, Juyeon leans into him, cupping his cheek, and places a soft peck on it, surprising him. He meets Minhyun’s eyes then, and he sees the surprise on the other man’s features. He sees the way Minhyun’s expression turns soft and warm, and with a snap of the fingers, turns sad and then pained. 

Just like how he is feeling. 

“Goodbye, Doctor Kim, it’s nice seeing you again.” 

“It’s nice to see you too, Juyeonnie, and I’ll see you again soon,” he answers, smiling and gently patting Juyeon’s head. He glances back at Minhyun, and the other looks away. “You’ve finished the lab tests, right?” 

“Yeah, we did,” Minhyun answers. “They said you’ll call me as soon as it’s out.” 

“Yeah, I will.” 

“Till then,” Minhyun meets his gaze and Jonghyun wishes that he didn’t, especially when he can see every emotion Minhyun is feeling. Minhyun looks away then nods toward Seongwu and bids them goodbye. 

And Jonghyun knows that a big part of him has gone with them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very very big shout-out to M, G, F, and J for helping me out throughout the revisions 🥺 I’m very very sorry and thank you so much, ILY guys 😘 You are the best co-sperm buddies ever! ❤️
> 
> If I’d made you feel butterflies with Ongbugi, please scream at me (yes, I cared more on Ongbugi—ONGBUGI RISE 🙌 *Elmo meme*)


	4. Flashback: Anything for you, Jonghyun.

_Jonghyun’s nervous. He bites his lips over and over again as he waits for Minhyun to come to their meeting place._

_He paces back and forth the small space between the university walls and the building._

_A sigh.  
_

_At times like these, he wishes he didn’t quit smoking. Maybe this waiting game would be easier. It would help him calm his nerves, help him formulate words—no._

_Minhyun was so proud of him when he announced that he had quit smoking for good. That was why he quit anyway—because Minhyun promised him that he’d grant him a wish, anything that he wants, if he did._

_Jonghyun just hopes that Minhyun would make good in his promise._

_He hears the sound of nearby footsteps and immediately hides the bouquet of roses behind him. Not a minute later, he sees Minhyun huffing, sweat dripping on his face._

_Jonghyun chuckles. “Did you cut classes again, Hyun-ah?” he teases. Minhyun nods, hands on his thighs as he catches his breath._

_“What is it?” Minhyun huffs, wiping the sweat off his cheek. “You told me it’s important.”_

_“Yeah, it is.” Jonghyun smiles, taking a step closer towards Minhyun. “Remember the promise that you made?”_

_Minhyun looks at him, confused, and Jonghyun takes another step, the pounding of his heart getting louder. “You promised me that you’ll grant me a wish if I quit smoking.”_

_“Oh, yeah, I remember that,” Minhyun replies. “So do you have one in mind?”_

_“Promise me that you’ll do anything that I wish for first,” Jonghyun answers, taking another step. Minhyun looks at him, pondering on what he said. “Promise me, please, Minhyun-ah.”_

_The younger man nods, then smiles at him reassuringly. “I promise I’ll do_ **_anything for you, Jonghyun_** _. So, what is it?”_

_He takes one final step, closing the gap between them, and hands Minhyun the bouquet of roses._

_“Be with me, Hyun-ah.”_

_——_

_“I love you Jonghyun…” Minhyun murmurs against his skin. “I’ll do_ **_anything for you_** _.”_

_Jonghyun freezes. And with a sigh, he pulls away._

_“Jonghyun..?” Minhyun calls him, confusion all over his face. He doesn’t answer, but instead, he stands from their bed and reaches for his clothes._

_“Did I do something?” Minhyun asks worriedly, watching him as he puts on his clothes._

_“I wish you would stop staying that.”_

_“Saying what? That I love you?”_

_“No,” Jonghyun answers, voice as cold as ice, looking at Minhyun. “That you’ll do anything for me.”_

_“But it’s true, I’ll do anything for you, Jonghyun—”_

_“Stop it,” he growls, fists clenching as he hears those words replay over and over again in his mind. “You don’t need to do anything for me, Minhyun, I’m not a god.”_

_Minhyun looks at him as if he had just kicked him in the gut. It hurts him, knowing that he did that._

_But he’s tired._

_He’s tired of people treating him as if he were some god, when he’s not._

_He just wants to be him._

_Just Kim Jonghyun._

_He walks out of their room and pauses by the door. “Don’t wait up for me, I won’t go home tonight.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate Mondays. 
> 
> ...do you hate Mondays too?


	5. Minhyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.~ Just want to tell you all that we are not in the medical field and our knowledge about the medical stuff came from people around us and google. 🥰 Thank you for reading this and... enjoy, I guess?

Minhyun reads and rereads the message that was sent to him approximately seven hours ago. He was informed by the hospital about their appointment tomorrow with _Doctor Kim._ A part of him doesn’t want to go and face Jonghyun again, not after seeing him being sweet and happy with another man. 

_ So that was Seongwu? They eventually got together, huh? _

Of course, he knew Seongwu. Although they haven’t met before, Jonghyun mentioned him countless times before - enough for him to know about the constellations on Seongwu's face, his favorite food, his favorite color, and other nonsensical things like that. He also knew that Seongwu was the first friend Jonghyun has made during his residency in Pediatrics, and after hearing countless stories about him from Jonghyun back when they’re still dating, Seongwu seemed like a good and charming guy. He also knew that Jonghyun really likes Seongwu as a friend from even before. He just can't believe that they actually ended up being together.

He sighs as he remembers what he witnessed at the restaurant three days ago. Juyeon wanted to have burger that day, and because she had been a good girl during the check-up and even the medical tests, he decided to reward her and they went to the newly-opened restaurant near the hospital.

As soon as they entered, he saw Jonghyun, but he wasn’t alone. He saw him smiling, beaming even, at the guy seated across him. It should not have affected him in any way, but it was as if someone took ahold of his heart and squeezed it hard. It pained him to see that Jonghyun can be this happy even without him. 

But then again, what did he expect? It’s been five years since they broke up, after all. 

_ Five years, Minhyun, five years! Get ahold of yourself. This shouldn't even be about you and Jonghyun! It’s for your daughter, for Christ's sake! _

His phone rings and he answers it.

"Hey." He says, sitting up from his bed.

"Hey, I'm sorry I only got back to you today. How was Juyeon? Is she still sick?" The voice on the line says.

"It's okay,  _ Aron _ . I know you've been busy." he pauses, "and Juyeon... she's fine..." Minhyun worriedly mulling, "her fever hasn't come back."

"That's good to know. Also, I told you not to call me Aron. It's  _ Aaron. _ " The older whines and Minhyun can imagine the face he's making. He smiles at that thought.

"She says she misses you already. We're actually scheduled for another check up tomorrow, do you perhaps want to come with us?" He asks. Hopefully, Aaron could accompany them and save him from the pain of being stuck in the same room as Jonghyun. 

"I'm sorry, I'm still out of the town, Min. I'm going to make it up to you and Juyeon when I get back. Please tell her I miss her too."

Minhyun sighed at this. 

_ So, he'll really face Jonghyun alone tomorrow, huh?  _

"Is there something wrong? You know you can tell me anything, right?" It still amazes him sometimes how Aaron seems to know him all too well.

"I'm fine… it’s just there's so many things in my mind right now and I'm nervous about the result of Juyeon's tests."

"I wish I could be there with you right now." There is a pause; Aaron’s clearly thinking about what to do. "You know what, fuck it. Should I go there now? I can still catch the 1 am flight, and I can be there by 4 am." Aaron says.

"No, no, no!" Minhyun says urgently. He knows Aaron will really do what he just said. "You and your impulsiveness! Just finish whatever you're doing there and I'll see you when you get back. Okay?"

"Of course! You'll see me even if you don't want to." Minhyun can visualize Aaron saying this with a smirk on his face. He's sure about seeing Aron soon, though. Aron's practically family. 

"Good night then. Get back to us soon." Minhyun says, yawning. Aaron bids him goodnight and he hangs up, laying back down on his bed.

It was actually Aaron,  _ Aron  _ for him, who helped him with Juyeon's upbringing. They first met while volunteering in an orphanage. Aaron was childish back then, even when he was three years older than him and Jonghyun. 

Aron also offered Minhyun to work for their accounting firm abroad after graduating but Minhyun declined the offer because of Jonghyun. 

Because how can he leave when he knows Jonghyun would never follow him? He let go of all his ambitions just to be with him.

_ The things he did (or did not do) for love. _

Aaron was actually the first one to meet Juyeon in the orphanage when her parents left her, and he was the one who told them about her. And when he finally decided to adopt Juyeon, it was Aaron who helped him with the papers and other formalities. Aaron also helped him financially and even took care of Juyeon when he was still adjusting. 

He was indebted to Aaron. Whoever he was today, it was all thanks to him. He was his emotional support during his breakdowns when he left Jonghyun. 

And  _ he knew _ , he knew how Aaron felt about him but he chose not to acknowledge it because he did not want to lose him. He did not know if he could ever love anybody again as much as he loved Jonghyun before. He knew he could not give him what he wanted so he chose to be just like this, to stay as friends.

He takes a deep breath, trying to swat the sadness that's slowly eating him. He can't be thinking about Jonghyun or Aron now, not when he should be focusing on his daughter. Tomorrow would be a long day and he should get some sleep.

\-----

He wakes up earlier than usual and checks up on Juyeon. His daughter seems fine these days, her fever has not occurred again, but Minhyun notices that there are times wherein she doesn’t finish her meal, but would eat again with snacks, which he thinks is quite normal for children her age. 

By 9:30 am, they are already on their way to the hospital. There’s a nagging feeling that something could go wrong, but maybe it's just the hospital.  _ A lot of wrong things happen that's why hospitals exist in the first place. Right?  _ He's quite nervous about the results but nothing could go wrong. 

_ Right? _

When they arrived, the nurse tells them that they will be the last patient for that morning. While waiting for their turn, Juyeon plays with her Squirtle stuffed toy, the one Jonghyun gave her. It became Juyeon’s favorite toy to the point that she doesn’t even let it out of her sight.

_ Just like Jonghyun. _

He remembers the time when Jonghyun scolded Baekho, one of his friends, for not telling him that his turtle doll fell off from his shoulder and for not picking it up. That time, Jonghyun was really cute,  _ annoyingly cute. _

Minhyun smiles a bittersweet smile at the thought.

"You're smiling," He looks up and sees Jonghyun standing outside his office. This shocks him because he was expecting Jonghyun to be wearing his mask again; cold and indifferent towards him.

Jonghyun might have done that unconsciously because the older man looks away and clears his throat, facing Juyeon instead. Jonghyun calls Juyeon with a warm smile on his face and Juyeon, excited upon seeing him, asks Jonghyun to hold her hand, which the older does immediately. Juyeon then turns to Minhyun and asks him to hold her other hand. Minhyun glances at Jonghyun, and he sees the older man staring at him, and for a short moment he sees the same bittersweet expression across Jonghyun’s face before it quickly vanishes and is replaced by a small smile. Minhyun gets up and the three of them go inside Jonghyun's office, hand in hand.

Jonghyun sits across them and starts reading Juyeon’s lab results. Minhyun watches in silence, hand nervously and anxiously squeezing Juyeon’s hand every now and then, waiting for Jonghyun to tell them the findings. It took a few minutes until Jonghyun lowers down the lab results, and Minhyun knows that something isn’t right, especially when Jonghyun is looking at him with his brows furrowed.

"The lab results are… okay." Jonghyun says, still clearly distracted for whatever he had read from the chart.

"But?" Minhyun asks him to continue.

Jonghyun gives him a small reassuring smile and glances at Juyeon, “But, I think we need to run more tests, just to be sure. That’s okay, right?” Jonghyun asks, motioning for Juyeon to come to him.

“Yeah… it is…” Minhyun murmurs worriedly, staring at the way Jonghyun smiles at Juyeon, his fingers brushing Juyeon’s hair in place as his daughter sits comfortably on Jonghyun’s lap. 

On another day, he would feel sentimental about this, but today, he just can’t, especially when he can see something akin to worry in Jonghyun’s expression as he looks at Juyeon, confirming his suspicions that there really is something wrong with Juyeon. “Is it…bad?”

“I…” Jonghyun pauses, and bites his lip as if he’s torn. “I can’t say, not until we ran some tests.”

“What kinds of tests do we need to do?”

“Comprehensive ones.” Jonghyun answers, he looks at Jonghyun confusedly and the older man chuckles—albeit sounding tired. “I’ll do a quick physical check-up just to check her state today, and after that, we’ll see.” Minhyun nods in answer. Jonghyun gives him a reassuring smile before turning to Juyeon.

“Juyeon-ah, is it okay if you sit on the bed? Uncle just needs to check something,” Jonghyun asks, his voice soft. Juyeon nods at Jonghyun and the older smiles, squeezing Juyeon’s hand reassuringly before carrying her and putting her on the bed. 

Minhyun watches as Jonghyun checks Juyeon’s temperature, then her heartbeat. It’s then that he sees a frown forming on Jonghyun's face. 

“Is… everything okay?” Minhyun asks. 

“We’ll do an ECG,” Jonghyun says, distractedly. He reaches for the phone on his table and calls someone. Minhyun hears Jonghyun ask for an ECG Technician.

“An ECG?” Minhyun asks as soon as Jonghyun hangs up the call, confused, as he stares at Juyeon. 

Jonghyun nods, “Yeah.” Jonghyun asks Juyeon to change into a hospital gown. He places a pillow on the bed and asks Juyeon to lie down. A couple of minutes later, Minhyun hears a knock on the door. - the technician, with the machine behind him. 

Jonghyun introduces them, then instructs Minhyun to sit next to Juyeon as they prepare the machine. 

“Jonghyun…” Minhyun whispers. He knows what an ECG is and what it is for. He's feeling the fear creeping in. 

“It’s just a test, Minhyun. You don’t need to worry.” The older man replied but Minhyun’s not sure if Jonghyun is reassuring him or himself.

"Juyeon-ah, I’m going to place these stickers on on your body,” Jonghyun says as he puts the gel on the electrodes and shows it to Juyeon, “it will be slightly cold, but I promise it wouldn’t hurt at all. So don’t be afraid, okay?" Jonghyun asks gently and Juyeon nods. 

Jonghyun sits beside Minhyun as the technician starts the machine. Soon, the monitor shows and records Juyeon’s heartbeat as the room is filled with sounds of the machine. 

He sees Jonghyun bite his lip, as a thin line forms on his forehead. 

"What is it?" Minhyun whispers worriedly, leaning on Jonghyun. The older man doesn’t answer him, but instead stared at Juyeon. Minhyun can see the fear and panic in his face. 

He holds Jonghyun's hand to get his attention. “Jonghyun, what is it?”

Instead of replying, Jonghyun squeezes his hand. It's not a reassuring squeeze, but one asking for strength. Minhyun sees Jonghyun closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to collect his self. Clearly there's something wrong with Juyeon and it's affecting Jonghyun this much.

The way Jonghyun's hands still fits in his is almost distracting him but the look on his face pulls him back to where they are today.

The technician stops the machine and Minhyun squeezes Jonghyun's hand for the last time then pulls away his slowly.

The older man sighs as stands up and removes the electrodes on Juyeon. He takes a wet tissue and wipes the gel off from Juyeon’s chest. 

“Later, Minhyun-ah.”

\-----

Once the ECG is done, Jonghyun fixes Juyeon’s clothes back in place and helps her sit up. “Does she easily get tired?" Jonghyun asks, sitting next to Juyeon and fixing her hair.

"There would be times when she is, but not all the time.” 

“And how about eating? Does she lack appetite?” 

Remembering how Juyeon is these days, Minhyun answers, “Yeah, especially with meals, but she would usually eat snacks, so I just assumed that it’s normal for children her age".

"We have to run more tests to find out,” Jonghyun replies, smiling at Juyeon before standing and heading to his desk. 

“Okay…” Minhyun answers, staring worriedly at his daughter. Jonghyun must’ve sensed that as the older looks away from his monitor and towards him.

“We still don’t know what it is, so don’t jump to conclusions just yet." Jonghyun reassures, “and… if there’s something… I’m here, so don’t worry, okay?”

Minhyun nods, although he's still a bit distracted. He is worried but he knows he can trust Jonghyun with this. “So… what should we do now..?” 

“Let’s start with a Chest X-ray, and we’ll see after that,” Jonghyun answers, calling someone on his phone. “You’re free today, right?”

“Yeah, I am,”

“Good, I’ll just call someone in the Radiology Department then we’ll go there."

Minhyun nods and observes his daughter as Jonghyun calls someone. Juyeon smiles at him then continues to play with her Squirtle toy by the small play area in Jonghyun’s office clinic. He bites his lower lip unconsciously, nervous about his daughter's condition.

Jonghyun must have noticed his apprehension and nervousness because the older is looking at him with a disapproving look, "Relax, Minhyun, okay? Like I said, we don’t know anything yet.” the older says, putting his phone in his pocket and fixing his things.

“I know…” he answers with a sigh, “I just don’t know how to do these things.” 

“Don't worry, I'll accompany you. I have the whole afternoon off.”

Minhyun nods. Juyeon then walks toward him and he lifts up Juyeon on his lap and rubs her hair. Jonghyun fixes his things and together they left his office.

\-----

They’re on the way to the Radiology Department when Minhyun hears someone calling Jonghyun. 

"Jonghyun!"

They both glance back to see who it was. Of course, it’s  _ Doctor Ong Seongwu.  _ "Are you on your break now?"

"Not yet, I'm accompanying them for an X-ray." Jonghyun answers, pointing at them.

"Ohh," Minhyun sees disappointment in Seongwu’s face, which disappears instantly once he sees Juyeon. "I remember you! You were that cute girl back at the restaurant, right?" 

Doctor Ong offers a lollipop to Juyeon and she looks at him, asking for permission. Minhyun nods and Juyeon accepts the lollipop with a small smile and a  _ "thank you." _

“I was about to text you, I’m sorry. It must have slipped my mind." He hears Jonghyun say to Seongwu. 

“It’s okay,” Seongwu nods, “I’ll see you later then?”

“Yup, I’ll text you once we’re done,” Jonghyun replies. 

“You better,” Seongwu jokingly says, hitting Jonghyun's arm playfully, and the older man laughs. Watching the interaction between the two stirs something within Minhyun, that without him realizing, he’s been staring at the two for far too long. Seongwu probably noticed that as the other doctor turns to him and smiles shyly. “I’ll get going, see you.” Seongwu says, nodding and bidding them goodbye.

\-----

The walk to the Radiology Department seems longer than it is. That, or because Minhyun is feeling the awkwardness between Jonghyun and him. It's not that he hates Seongwu (he does not). He's just not comfortable whenever he sees him. And of course, he is not jealous. 

Because why would he be?

...right?

Minhyun sighs. Doctor Ong seems to be a nice guy. Jonghyun is lucky to have him. But then, Jonghyun was also lucky to have him back then. He was the best at household chores even when they were at the dorm, and did everything for Jonghyun - everything, except for cooking. 

But Seongwu - he seems to understand Jonghyun better, he sees that with the way they communicate with their eyes, the way they move? Maybe he and Jonghyun are not really meant to be together because he cannot understand Jonghyun that way. And Jonghyun won't even try to understand him. He'll just say he accepts their differences. 

For Jonghyun, he was never his priority.

There's just too many things on his mind right now. He knows he should not dwell on the past when Jonghyun seemed to have continued his life without him. He knows that he should just focus on Juyeon now but he cannot help it. He even met the couple outside the hospital. Why is fate being cruel to him?

Jonghyun halts and he realizes that they reached the Radiology Department. Jonghyun opens the door for them and tells them to sit in the waiting area as he talks to the radiologist. 

Not long after, Jonghyun emerges from the office followed by a female doctor that Minhyun recognizes. With a smile on his face, he carries Juyeon in his arms and stands, waiting for the two. 

“I’m sure you still know each other, or remember each other, I don’t know,” Jonghyun shrugs shyly, looking down on the floor. The female doctor next to Jonghyun chuckles at that and smiles at him. 

“It’s been a long time Minhyun,” Nayoung greets with her signature stoic smile on her face, offering her hand.

“It really has been,” Minhyun replies with a smile, shaking her hand. He met Nayoung years ago, along with Jonghyun’s other friend, Baekho. It’s good to know that they’re now doctors and work in the same hospital. He then introduces Juyeon to Nayoung and her daughter shakes the female doctor’s hand but Minhyun knows that Juyeon is afraid, probably scared of the doctor’s stoic smile. Jonghyun, who’s watching Juyeon, whispers something to his daughter, making her daughter glance back to Doctor Im with surprise and newfound respect in her eyes. 

Minhyun squints his eyes at Jonghyun, having a bad feeling on what the older man did. Jonghyun shrugs innocently but he knows that Jonghyun did something. Especially with that playful look all over his face. 

And he’s right. Soon after, Juyeon asks Doctor Im if they can go to her house to see the hundred and one barbie dolls that she owns. 

“Excuse me, I have  _ what? _ ” 

“One hundred and one Barbie dolls,” Jonghyun reminds the female doctor with a shit-eating-grin, and Doctor Im glares at Jonghyun. “And Doctor Im will give you five—” Minhyun glares at Jonghyun to stop him from his childish actions and of course, five dolls is too much. 

“...four?” Jonghyun asks, inclining his head and Minhyun shakes his head in disapproval. “Three?” Another shake of disapproval from him and Jonghyun sighs. “Fine, two.”

“Jonghyun.” 

“No, Minhyun, two is not a lot and that is not spoiling Juyeon.” Jonghyun reasons stubbornly, complete with that determined look as he stands his ground. “And if I have a choice, I would buy her two hun—”

_ “Jonghyun,”  _ Minhyun warns, glaring at Jonghyun and the other huffs and pouts at him like how Juyeon would when Minhyun won’t let her get what she wants. 

_ “Interesting,”  _ Nayoung comments, staring at the two of them knowingly and amusedly. And with that, they realize what they’re doing. The pout and determined look from Jonghyun’s face falls and there Minhyun sees the younger version of Jonghyun - the one that he met in a university clinic, the one he shared countless meals with, the one who still doesn’t know how to hide anything from him - but it soon vanishes as it’s replaced by the older version of Jonghyun. The one who’s building walls over walls over himself and won’t let Minhyun in. 

The exact Jonghyun before they broke up. 

“Let’s start getting ready for the X-ray,” Jonghyun says clipped and matter-of-factly looking away from him and heads toward the X-ray room.

Doctor Im stares at Jonghyun as if she wants to hit him on the head then turns to him, and smiles, albeit, too apologetically. 

“Let’s start then,” Doctor Im said with a sigh, before smiling, “the test is easy, and Juyeonnie, you won’t feel a thing, you just need to change into the clothes that we need you to wear and stay still for… let’s say, after counting ten sheeps?” 

“Can it be turtles instead?” Juyeon asks, and that brings a genuine smile on Doctor Im’s features. 

The female doctor pats Juyeon on the head, and smiles fondly at his daughter, “Of course you can,  _ little angel. _ ” 

And in his mind, he hears the voice of a younger Jonghyun, carrying a baby Juyeon in his arms, smiling and ready to give her the whole world.

_ “Can we name little angel, Juyeon, Minhyun-ah?”  _

\-----

Done with the X-Ray, they were about to leave the radiology department when they hear Juyeon's stomach growl. Minhyun sees Jonghyun looking down at his daughter. He looks at his watch and smiles at Juyeon. "Why don't we eat first? It's almost lunch time anyway." Both Jonghyun and Juyeon look at him, waiting for his answer.

He almost smiles at the similar gesture but catches himself and nods instead.

They went out of the hospital and chose to eat at the restaurant just a few blocks away. Jonghyun asks them what they want to eat. Although Juyeon is not really a picky eater, there are times that she does not have an appetite. But today, she wants to have chicken.

"I guess braised ribs for you then?" Jonghyun asks him.

_ Why would you guess that?  _ He almost rolls his eyes at this because that was what he used to order when they would eat out  _ before _ . He realizes Jonghyun still knows him. He nods and Jonghyun stands up and goes to the counter to order.

While Jonghyun is still ordering, his phone rings. Minhyun does not know what to do. He doesn’t want to meddle on the older man’s business but it might be an important call from the hospital. He misses the first call, earning him a disapproving look from Juyeon, and when it rings again, she hands (shoves) him the phone telling him to answer it, accidentally pressing the answer button herself.

"Jonghyun-ahh," a sweet and familiar voice says. He looks at the caller ID, no wonder the voice is familiar, it’s  _ Doctor Ong Seongwu. _

"Uhm, hi," He greets awkwardly, "This is Minhyun, from uh—a while ago. I'm sorry for answering your call. Juyeon accidentally pressed it."Juyeon gives him a judging look, asking him why he’s using her and Minhyun pinches his daughter’s cheek in reply to her snarky (but adorable) attitude. 

"Oh, no worries. May I ask where Jonghyun is?" 

"He's ordering food." Minhyun answers.

"That’s… nice of him," Seongwu says, and Minhyun can imagine the guy with that fond smile on his face. "By the way, how is your daughter?"

"We're still waiting for the results." He sees Jonghyun approaching their table. "Jonghyun's back. I'll pass the phone to him now."

Jonghyun looks surprised because Minhyun is holding his phone. Minhyun mouths  _ "Doctor Ong"  _ and Jonghyun excuses himself to talk to Seongwu.

Jonghyun goes outside the restaurant but Minhyun can still see him from where he is seated.  _ Seongwu again, _ he thinks. And why is his chest aching? Maybe he should also undergo some tests. His chest, his heart to be exact, always seems to be in pain whenever he sees Jonghyun and Seongwu together (or even the mere thought of it). 

He knows he should not be feeling this way. It was as if he wants Jonghyun's attention all for him and Juyeon. It was as if he doesn’t want him to talk to and be sweet to Seongwu anymore. But then, Jonghyun and Seongwu are together now. 

He does not have any right. Not anymore since he was the one who left Jonghyun. He was the one who walked away and it all happened almost five years ago, so why is he still affected? 

It was as if he is...  _ jealous. _

He does not want to admit this but there's no other explanation. He is  _ jealous _ . But he cannot do anything about it. 

Jonghyun comes back right at that moment and he almost drops his spoon trying to calm himself. He focuses on Juyeon, helping her with her chicken and feeding her.

He feels like Jonghyun wants to engage him in a conversation but he's not up for it. He's not even meeting his eyes. They finish their food in no time and decide to go back to the hospital.

On their way back to the hospital, something catches Juyeon's attention - a _claw machine._ They must not have seen it before because they were really hungry, but it's there. She runs towards it and stares at the stuffed toys inside.

"Dad! Dad! Dad! Get me one so that Squirtle won't be sad anymore." Juyeon pulls at his shirt while pointing at the toys.

"Okay, I'll get you what you want." He inserts money in the slot and starts playing. He sees Juyeon's face losing hope every time the doll falls back inside the machine. 

"Dad, let's just go."

"Just one last time okay? I can get it, Ju. Just trust me."

He keeps on assuring Juyeon that he'll be able to get her one and reasons that the machine is broken when he fails at it again. Juyeon seems disappointed with him because he keeps on putting the blame on the innocent machine and not on his lack of skills.

"May I?" Jonghyun asks. 

“Uh, sure,” He moves out of the way and lets Jonghyun play. The older man gets a toy on his first try. Juyeon is so happy that she hugs Jonghyun and when they get the toy out she keeps on jumping up and down.

He looks at Jonghyun and pouts at him. "Yah, how did you do that? You're still better at me when it comes to playing."

He must have surprised Jonghyun with his cute whining. He did it unconsciously and blushed hard right after. Both of them look away, suddenly interested in the road and the cars passing by.

"Dad, isn't this cute! Squirtle has a brother now." He looks at his daughter and sees Jonghyun looking at her as well.

"Is that some kind of a bird? A chicken, maybe? Or a duck?" Jonghyun asks.

Minhyun shakes his head. "It's a dragon, Jonghyun-ah," showing him the tag containing the words  _ baby dragon. _

"Seriously? It looks more of a bird to me." Jonghyun murmurs to himself. Minhyun just smiles at that. Jonghyun catches him smiling and returns it.

There it is again, the warm feeling on his chest whenever he is reminded of the good days when they were together. It almost felt like they’re back to the past, only better with Juyeon. 

Minhyun shakes his head and tries to suppress his feelings. As they walk side by side towards the hospital, they seem like a complete and happy family and Minhyun is contented with that thought. 

And it would remain just like that -  _ a thought _ .

Jonghyun accompanies them to the hospital's parking lot, where Minhyun's car is parked. “So...uhm, text me when you have the results?” Minhyun asks, suddenly feeling uncomfortable because he is reminded of how they were back then - him, visiting Jonghyun during lunch breaks and Jonghyun, accompanying him back to his car.

Jonghyun nods, “Yeah, I’ll call you once I have it.” From the way he was scratching the back of his head and avoiding eye contact with him, Minhyun is sure that he was also reminded of the same thing.

"You told me the same thing the last time but it was the nurse who texted me about the appointment." Minhyun says, pouting again.

Jonghyun answers in a small voice, "I thought you would be somehow uncomfortable especially after the, uhm,  _ episode _ in the restaurant."

"Oh…" The slight pang in his chest is back at the mention of that. "Not at all…"

"Uhm… good then…” Jonghyun says. I'll personally call you this time. Drive safely, okay?" He believes him this time.

“Okay... See you soon, I guess?" Minhyun says, opening the car's door for his daughter. Jonghyun lifts her and sits her down the baby chair and makes sure she is fastened properly.

“Yeah, see you.” Jonghyun answers as Minhyun climbs the driver's seat. "Go first. I'll go when you're inside."

Jonghyun just smiles at him. "No, you go first. I'll see you off." He steps back from the car. With that, Minhyun starts the engine.

Minhyun looks at Juyeon and sees that she's playing with her toys, a little bit sleepy. He touches her face and tells her to say goodbye to Jonghyun. She waves at him and gives him her sweetest smile.

He also waves one last time to Jonghyun and then he drives away. He sees the guy still smiling at them. He feels this sudden urge to go back and spend more time with him. That's when the realization hits him.

_ He still loves Jonghyun. _

He wants all of his attention on him. He wants him back in his life. He still wants him to be a dad for Juyeon. Even small things like eating out together, walking him back to his car brings him back to the past.

He tried so hard to move on for five years, and it took him what, three days to fall back to him. It was as if the time just stopped the moment he left him, and when he saw him again the time just started turning again. All the love he kept inside his chest kept pouring out the moment he saw him again. 

He cannot deny that fact now. Maybe he never really moved on. He tried, he did, but failed miserably. But it's too late now. 

It was his fault. He was the one who chose to let go. Now, Jonghyun is happy with someone else. He smiles bitterly at this as he turns his focus on the road and continues driving away.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to M, J and the people who helped us get through this chapter. And thank you Google 🥰


	6. Flashback: Parking Lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. ~

_ It's been a week since Jonghyun started his internship in the hospital. Although Minhyun’s been busy, he finally had the day off so he went on his way to surprise Jonghyun and maybe have lunch together if he's on his break. _

_ Parking his car, he turned off the engine and checked his watch. It's almost lunch time. He got out of his car and dialed Jonghyun’s number. _

_ "Hi, love. Is it your lunch break already?" he asked while walking towards the hospital. _

_ "Yes, love. But I don't have an appetite." _

_ "Where are you eating? In the cafeteria?" _

_ "Yes, I'm currently in the cafeteria." _

_ Minhyun spotted Jonghyun and slowly approached him. The older man, having no idea Minhyun was just behind him, started asking (over the phone) why Minhyun was not speaking. _

_ "Hi handsome, is this seat taken?" _

_ "Ah, no—Minhyun-ah!" Jonghyun stood, clearly surprised. "What are you doing here?" The older man seemed so happy to see him. _

_ "I just want to surprise you. Let's eat?" _

_ After eating, Jonghyun accompanied Minhyun back to his car. He held Minhyun's hand, as if not wanting him to go just yet. _

_ "Thank you, Minhyun. You don't have to do these things for me. I know you're also busy and I appreciate it. That was the first decent meal I had since I started my internship here." _

_ "It's just a week, Jju. You'll soon adjust. If I need to come here every lunch time just to be with you, I will." _

_ Finally, they reached Minhyun's car. _

_ "I want to spend more time with you but my break time's almost over." _

_ "Why is my baby so clingy?" Minhyun smirked. "We'll see each other later. You don't have to miss me that much." _

_ Jonghyun just looked at him. "I love you, Hyun." He kissed Minhyun on the cheeks. Minhyun smiled at his sweet gesture. _

_ "I love you, too. You go inside first. You'll be late for your afternoon shift." _

_ "No, you go first. I'll see you off before going inside." _

_ Minhyun hugged him for the last time and got in his car. He started his car and waved to Jonghyun. _

_ "Take care, love! See you later!" Jonghyun waved as Minhyun drove out of the  _ **_parking lot,_ ** _ away from the hospital. _

_ \----- _

_ Minhyun woke up to the loud tapping on his car. He looked around, confused, before remembering where he was. When he lowered his car window, he was greeted by the security guard whom he'd gotten close to. _

_ "Sir, sorry to disturb you but you can't sleep here." _

_ Minhyun checked his watch. It was already 4 a.m.  _

I thought I was not allowed to sleep here, but it's been five hours already _ , he chuckled to himself. _

_ He thanked the guard for waking him up. He must've been exhausted because he ended up sleeping in his car for hours. Stepping out, he stretched his arms and heard the clicking of his bones. He was tired. They had been overworked for a week now because it was tax season, the busiest season for accountants. _

_ He walked to the nearest convenience store to buy a cup of coffee. He tried calling Jonghyun again, but Jonghyun’s phone was still off. _

_ After finishing his coffee, he went back to his car and waited for another hour. Finally, he saw a familiar figure rushing towards his car and getting in it. _

_ "Minhyun, sorry. I was not able to charge my phone. I forgot to text you not to fetch me," Jonghyun apologized as he tossed his bag to the back seat. _

_ Minhyun, clearly annoyed, glared at Jonghyun with disdain. "Don't you know how long I’ve been waiting for you? I even fell asleep on the fucking car. You could have come out, see if I was waiting for you here."  _

_ "You shouldn't have waited for me. Did I even ask you to fetch me everyday? It was your choice to begin with!" _

_ "Are you shifting the blame on me? You're good at that! Making me feel like every single thing's my fault. Great!" Minhyun's voice rose out of anger. _

_ "I'm not angry at you, Minhyun. But it's true it was your decision to wait for me." _

_ "I just want to see you before the day ends. I just want to spend some time with you. Is that too much to ask?" _

_ "The world does not revolve around me, Minhyun. I know you're also tired. You could have just rested at home." _

_ Minhyun was still fuming mad, especially because Jonghyun was not getting his point at all. "So, am I the bad person here?" _

_ "For fuck's sake, stop being so sensitive and stop twisting my words!" Jonghyun shut his eyes in irritation and took a deep breath. "Can we please just talk about this later? We're both tired." _

_ Minhyun started the car's engine, murmuring something that suspiciously sounded like "sick bastard." If Jonghyun had heard him, he certainly chose not to react to it. _

_ They drove away from the  _ **_parking lot,_ ** _ away from the hospital, and maybe, just a little bit, away from each other, too. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forever grateful to Madam J 🥰


	7. Jonghyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To ✨:  
> I’m sorry, love.  
> I love you.

“Take care,” Jonghyun murmurs, watching as Minhyun’s car fades away into the distance. Taking a deep breath, he turns and starts walking back into the hospital. His mind is elsewhere, immersed in recounting the moments that he had just shared with the father and daughter.

A smile plays on his lips, remembering the way Juyeon stared at her father as he’s playing on the toy crane, like he was the most hopeless person on earth. 

Jonghyun couldn’t agree more. 

But despite the fact that Minhyun still sucks at arcade games, Jonghyun can’t help but be awed by his ex-partner. The way Minhyun naturally moved to take care of Juyeon. The way he crouched down even before Juyeon tugged at his sleeve, how he seemed to know the exact time that Juyeon finishes chewing her food, and how he’s always ready to give her another spoonful.

It’s a heartwarming sight, and Jonghyun can’t help but be amazed and feel proud of Minhyun. 

Even back when they were still dating, Jonghyun already knew that Minhyun would be an amazing father. Though, really, Minhyun has to work harder on his arcade gaming skills.

Jonghyun shakes his head in amusement, remembering how Minhyun had wasted so much money on the toy crane. Guess some things haven't changed and that included Minhyun’s warm personality. Minhyun has always been the caring type. The type of person who’ll shower you with love, the type who’s always ready even before you ask for his help. 

That’s how Minhyun has always been, and Jonghyun counts himself lucky that he was once at receiving end of that. 

Jonghyun smiles, remembering how Minhyun was when they’re still dating. The way Minhyun would shower him with love, give him a boost of confidence whenever he feels like he couldn’t handle medical school anymore, and of course, just by being himself, the ever optimistic Hwang Minhyun. 

Jonghyun chuckles, recalling how optimistic Minhyun was, even in the worst of times. How he’d always find the silver lining in a dreary situation. 

That was one of the many reasons why he fell in love with Minhyun. Minhyun is his ray of hope, his rainbow after the rain. 

But of course, Minhyun isn’t perfect, and just like a coin, which has two sides, Minhyun has flaws, too. 

The way he would nag at the most trivial things. His too-clean-freak tendencies. How he wouldn’t shut up at times. And of course, his stubborn and, at times, extremely rash personality. 

But he loves that side of Minhyun, too. 

Even if at times he just wants to tape Minhyun’s mouth—which he did, when Minhyun started yapping on how he should separate his dirty clothes, but hey, that’s okay. 

That’s how relationships are, after all. 

Jonghyun shakes his head in amusement, remembering their first big fight after moving in together. It was something so trivial, just him leaving the bathroom floor wet after taking a bath. But of course, it wouldn’t be Minhyun if he wouldn’t make that a big issue. 

But just like those trivial fights, there’s also the simple moments that became his favorite. 

The times they’ll be studying for hours at the library, with their hands intertwined. 

The times they would go on dates at night markets, go on a street-food eating spree. 

Them basking in the warm afternoon sun, as he readS his manhwa while Minhyun sits next to him, reading his novels. 

And his most favorite: going to sleep with Minhyun next to him, and waking up the next day, with Minhyun still by his side.

And breaking that routine, that became their downfall. 

From coming home to freshly cooked slightly half-done ramen and a waiting Minhyun, ready with his beautiful smile, tight hug, and “Welcome home, love,” he was left with nothing but cold soggy ramen.

But that’s all his fault. 

Yeah, it's all his fault.

Jonghyun halts in his steps, and sighs before he starts walking again. Remembering the short time he has spent with Minhyun and Juyeon, and how the whole time, he couldn’t help but think what would it be like if he’s with them. 

What would their day be like?

How it feels like waking up to Minhyun and Juyeon next to him, and be peppered with their kisses. 

Him, making them breakfast—Minhyun with his soup, Juyeon with pancakes. 

How Minhyun will drive them, dropping Juyeon to school first, then him at the hospital. 

Then they would meet for lunch. 

And how, after a tiring day at the hospital, he’ll go home, with Minhyun and Juyeon welcoming him with their beautiful smiles and tight hugs. 

Jonghyun pauses in his steps and bites his lip. 

Stopping himself from imagining things.   
Stopping himself from hoping more.   
And reminding himself that it’ll never be like that. 

Which to be honest, is better.

Looking back at how Minhyun and him were back then, it was always Minhyun who tried. It was always Minhyun who fixed things.

And all he did was make things hard for Minhyun.

Making him adjust to his life, making him understand him, making promises, only to break them in the end.

And Juyeon doesn’t deserve a father like that.  
Nor does Minhyun deserve to go through that again. 

_But you can do better this time, Jonghyun._

_You can be a father, do the things that you’ve dreamed you’ll do when Juyeon was only a baby. Be a better partner to Minhyun this time, you’ve realized your mistakes, after all._

Jonghyun clenches his fists, until his knuckles turn white. “ _No.”_

_Stop hoping, Jonghyun._

_Wake up._

He clenches his fists tighter as images of Juyeon smiling warmly at him fills his mind. The way the little angel would stare at him with those beautiful bright eyes, and how she would take his hand, as if she has known him for so long. As if he’s not a stranger and that he is a part of her world, giving him hope, giving him the feeling that he can be someone better for her.

Someone that has the right to stand next to her and protect her. Making him forget all his mistakes, his selfishness, and making him wish that he can just leave everything behind and take her in his arms. And be the father that he should have been. 

How Minhyun would look at him as if he didn’t hurt him at all, as if nothing bad had happened between them, as if they’re back in that time where it’s all just rainbows and butterflies—as if he didn’t break his heart over and over again. 

As if he can come home to him anytime. 

_Enough._

Jonghyun heaves a deep sigh and starts walking again. Mind filled with mixed contrasting emotions. He should be used to this by now. Used to the fact that being with Minhyun and Juyeon is like being in heaven and hell at the same time. How one moment he’ll be smiling at the memories, and the next, be filled with anguish. Of regrets, of what ifs, and so on. 

It will always be like that. He’s not a part of their lives after all, and they’re not a part of his.

_As how it should be._

Jonghyun stops in front of the elevator and presses the “up” button. As he waits for the lift, he takes out his phone and types a text to Seongwu, telling him that he’s back in the hospital. Not a minute later, the younger man calls him. 

“Hi Mr. Busybee,” Seongwu chirps. 

Jonghyun smiles sadly. Ever since he had Minhyun and Juyeon back in his life, things have changed between Seongwu and him. He would always be immersed and busy with his thoughts, while Seongwu would look at him with worry, torn between wanting to say something and ignoring it, just letting him be. And just like with Minhyun before, Seongwu, too, chooses to do the latter. Giving him the time, the space that he needs, even if he’s being unfair to him.

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to join you for lunch...”

“It’s okay, it’s not like we don’t have all the time to do that in the future… right?” Seongwu asks. 

He hates this. He hates how Seongwu seems uncertain and now has to ask, when he had been so sure of it before.

But Jonghyun hates himself more. He hates how it takes him time to answer Seongwu. Hates how he can’t reassure him. How he seems so unsure about everything. And how in his mind, he can see Minhyun and Juyeon. 

Minhyun and Juyeon, smiling at him.   
Minhyun and Juyeon, with their hands out, waiting for him to take it. 

“Of course.” 

“Good… I’ll drop by your office once I’m done then...” Seongwu answered, and it hurts to hear the sadness in his voice. 

“Yeah… let’s have dinner together then.” 

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. See you.”

He’s about to hang up but hears Seongwu whisper something in the line, and it pains him how Seongwu said it, thinking that he’s not listening anymore. “...know that I’m always here and that I love you.” 

It hurts how he has to pretend that he didn’t hear it. 

He hears a beep and he sighs. “I’m sorry, Seongwu-yah.” 

—

By the time he reached his office, he spots Dongho sitting in his office chair, as if the place were his clinic. 

“Aren’t you feeling too much at home?” Jonghyun greets tiredly, sitting on the patient bed. 

“Well, mi casa es tu casa.” 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’ve never said that to you, so to what do I owe this surprise visit?” 

“Is this really sudden?” Dongho asks, smirking at him. “I’m sure you know that you’ll see me sooner or later, especially when your asshole ex—”

“Dongho,” Jonghyun warned, glaring at the other man. He sees Dongho roll his eyes and grumble at how he’s protecting Minhyun yet again. “I’m not protecting him, Dongho,” Jonghyun sighs. “But you need to stop calling him names. It’s been five years since that happened and you’re still deadass mad at him as if he broke _your_ heart.”

“He broke your heart, Jonghyun, that means he broke mine, too.” 

“Wow, I never imagined you’ll have this side of you, Kang Dongho-ssi,” Jonghyun snorts sarcastically, crossing his arms on his chest. “Nice.” 

“Be grateful I’m even doing this,” Dongho grunts. “So please Jonghyun, whatever this is that’s happening, or about to happen, stop it. Don’t give in and don’t let that ass—I mean, man, ruin your life again.” 

“He didn’t ruin my life,” Jonghyun clarifies. “It was me who ruined his.”

“Yeah sure,” Dongho snorts. “Like it’s your fault that you’re going through a hard time back then and all that asshole did was to be selfish and put more pressure on you.” 

“He wasn’t being selfish, Dongho.” Jonghyun spits, voice tight and almost fuming. “I promised to give him a family, and in the end, I wasn’t able to do that. If you were Minhyun, would you stay? When that’s all you ever wanted?” 

“Yes. Because I know you,” Dongho answers matter of factly, stubbornly. Jonghyun laughs bitterly at that. 

“If you really know me, you wouldn’t say that.” 

“I know you, Jonghyun, and I know how fucked up you are and how you blame yourself for everything bad that happens,” Dongho points out. “But I’m not here to fight with you, okay? I’m just here to remind you that you can't go through that again. Not after I watched you look like a grim reaper ready to take souls in this hospital. For two long years.” 

“You’re overreacting.”

“Believe me, I’m not. You looked shittier than that,” Dongho pauses, staring at him. “But kidding aside, I just don’t want you going through that again. You’re okay now, Jonghyun. You’ve found your way again, and you’re happy with the crazy pedia surgeon.”

“Stop calling Seongwu that,” Jonghyun sighs and closes his eyes. He massages his temple to relieve himself of the headache that Dongho is giving him. 

“I would do that if he acts like a sane person, but that won’t ever happen, so no,” Dongho jokes again and sighs. Jonghyun knows there’s more that the younger surgeon wants to say. “You’re happy with Seongwu, right?” 

Jonghyun takes a deep breath, and nods. “I am,” he answers, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself rather than Dongho. 

“And you love him… right?” Dongho asks, voice not more than a whisper.

Jonghyun glances at his picture with Seongwu. He loves him, there’s no question about that but…

There. There’s that _but_. 

“Jonghyun, you love him, right?” Dongho asks, voice stern. He looks away from the picture frame and stares tiredly at Dongho. 

“Of course,” Jonghyun answers.

And though he can’t love Seongwu the same way as Minhyun, he knows that he _does_ love him. 

He may not be able to reciprocate the love that Seongwu is giving him, may not give Seongwu the love that he deserves—but he’s sure that he loves him.

He hears Dongho sigh in relief. “Good, I’m glad. Please stay like that, Jonghyun. Stay with Seongwu and be happy like you are both now.”

“Yeah… we will...”

“You better, or else—” 

“Or else, what?” Nayoung asks, cutting Dongho off. Nayoung turns to him with a worried look, then back to Dongho, crossing her arms on her chest. “Or else, what, Kang Dongho?” 

“Nothing,” Dongho shrugs, standing and picking up his things. “I’m going now. Remember what we talked about, Jonghyun.” 

Jonghyun nods, watching as Nayoung hits Dongho at the back of his head, reprimanding him on his actions. 

“I should’ve arrived earlier,” Nayoung clicks her tongue, as soon as the door closes. 

“Yeah, you should have,” Jonghyun tiredly chuckles and takes a seat in his chair. “Are those the results?”

“Yeah, and your suspicions might be right.” Nayoung walks to his desk and gives him the results of the X-Ray. Jonghyun reads the results and sighs. It’s not that his suspicions might be right—his suspicions _are_ right. Nayoung pats him on the back. 

“It’s a miracle that…” Nayoung says, trailing off. Jonghyun doesn’t know whether he should be happy or angry at that fact—but Nayoung is right. It’s a miracle that Juyeon has survived five years, given the status of her heart.

Congenital Heart Defect.   
And in Juyeon’s case, defects.

Jonghyun stares at the results again, taking a deep breath. “It is.”

“So what’s your plan?” Nayoung asks. Jonghyun doesn’t answer and instead opens his browser and starts searching for similar cases. “You should tell Minhyun.” 

“I’ll tell him later.” 

“You should tell him now, Jong. This isn’t just a usual case of flu—”

“I’ll tell him later.” 

“Jonghyun.” Nayoung’s voice holds a warning. Jonghyun sighs, rubbing his face in his palms. 

“I can’t tell him now Nayoung, not until I found a solution on how to fix this,” he groans, frustration evident in his voice. Juyeon’s case isn’t rare—nor is the treatment and surgery hard. But he doesn’t want to tell Minhyun about it until he’s prepared and is able to reassure him that Juyeon will be alright, that all Minhyun needs to do is bring Juyeon in the hospital. 

“I understand that it’s not easy to tell Minhyun because you have history, but he’s the father of the child, Jonghyun. If he were you, would you want to be kept in the dark?” 

“Of course not. But, just give me until today Nayoung, please,” he replies, voice filled with frustration. He hears Nayoung sigh. 

“Okay… and you should start preparing too,” she squeezes his shoulder. “She needs to undergo surgery, whatever happens and soon..” 

Jonghyun nods. “I know.” 

Nayoung pats him on the back before leaving. Jonghyun sighs again, turning back to his monitor and continues his research. 

—

_“Don’t go,” Jonghyun whispers in his mind as the door closes. “Please don’t go.”_

_The footsteps halts and Jonghyun wants to run and open the door, wants to scream for Minhyun, beg him to come back and tell him that he’s sorry, tell him that he’ll do better, tell him everything that he had kept from him. Tell him to understand him one last time._

_But just like before, he remains where he is, rooted and staring at the door, patiently waiting for Minhyun to walk again, clenching his fists as his heart and mind wage war against each other, his heart screaming at him that he’s making a mistake._

_That he’s going to regret this._

_He hears Minhyun’s heavy footsteps in the rain, the rough scratching sound of his luggage on the pebbled pavement._

_And it’s like his life._   
_Crumbling with every sound. With every raindrop, he can feel it shatter, his heart being torn to pieces._

_He hears the sound of Minhyun’s car door closing and soon after it leaves. The sound gets more distant, fading and permanently leaving him behind._

_“I love you, Hyun-ah, I hope you know that,” he whispers, closing his eyes. He feels a tug on his hand, and he glances down. Eyes bulging in horror then in pain, seeing Juyeon look at him with tears in her eyes, sadness and disappointment all over her face._

_This wasn’t supposed to happen._   
_Juyeon wasn’t there._

_“Why did you let him leave, dad? Don’t you love us anymore?”_

“Jonghyun.” A strong shaking wakes Jonghyun up from his nightmare. He stares at Seongwu, meeting the younger doctor’s worried gaze. “Are you okay? You’re crying in your sleep.” 

Jonghyun closes his eyes and nods, not able to speak, knowing that his voice will shake as he still feels the aftermath of his dream. 

It was so vivid. It felt so real, and just like what happened that day, the pain that he felt was the same, or even worse. Especially when he saw Juyeon, how she was looking at him, so broken-hearted, disappointed, realizing what kind of monster he really is. 

“Are you sure..?” Seongwu asks, tugging his hand, pulling him away from his thoughts and bringing him back to reality. He stares at Seongwu, takes the multitude of emotions across his face.

_Worry. Doubt. Uncertainty._

_But underneath all that, there’s that look._   
_The look of unwavering love that he had seen in Minhyun years ago._

“I’m sorry.” That’s the first thing he says. Seongwu smiles at him and squeezes his hand. 

“It’s okay, you can’t control nightmares,” Seongwu comforts him, touching his cheek and wiping his tears. 

Jonghyun closes his eyes and leans into Seongwu’s hand. “I wish I can.” _I wish I can, so I can stop hurting everyone._ He sighs then glances around. “What time is it?” he asks, noting that his floor is oddly quiet and Seongwu has changed out of his uniform. 

“Five in the morning,” Seongwu states guiltily, nodding to the wall clock. 

Jonghyun groans, “Please tell me you went home.” 

“I would lie and say that, but I know you wouldn’t like that, so…” the younger doctor smiles an apologetic smile. 

“You should have gone home, Seongwu. You have surgery today.”

“But home is not a home, without you,” Seongwu pouts, changing the mood to something lighter. Jonghyun is grateful for it.

“Can’t believe you can be this cheesy this early.” 

“I can be cheesy all the time and I can prove that point, but, that will be for later,” Seongwu pauses, voice turning sober as he nods at his monitor. “This was opened when I got here… and I’m sorry but I looked through it… Juyeon has CHD, and infective endocarditis?” 

"I’m not sure about that yet, but her symptoms are similar." Jonghyun takes a deep breath and rubs his temples. “I need to run more tests to be sure.”

“But you think it’s both?”

“Yeah…” 

Seongwu nods. “You have to admit her soon and schedule her for a surgery, Jonghyun.”

“I know.” 

“And you told her dad, right?” 

Jonghyun sighs. “I… haven’t.” 

“Jonghyun.” 

“I’ll tell him soon, I promise.” 

“You better. This isn’t just a minor case, Jonghyun.”

“I know, Nayoung told me that already.”

“Then why are you still not telling him?” 

“I need to figure out a solution first, Seongwu, ” he stresses. “It’s not like I can just tell him outright without offering the proper solution, right?” Seongwu looks at him, eyebrows raising, deep in thought. “Why? Is that so wrong? I can’t just go to a parent of my patient and say that, oh your daughter has an infection that may need surgery and she has a heart defect.” 

“No, that’s not wrong, but you’re acting…” 

“Acting what?” Jonghyun asks, voice raising defensively. 

“Weird.” Seongwu answers, staring at him as if he’s trying to read him or something. “You’re not usually this… empathetic, Jonghyun. You always handle everything level-headedly.” 

Jonghyun doesn’t answer and instead stares at his monitor. 

“There’s something more, isn't it?” Seongwu asks, voice small and full of uncertainty. “Because that’s the only logical reason why you’re acting like this.” 

Jonghyun rubs his temples and sighs. “It’s not like that.” 

“Then what is it, Jonghyun?” Seongwu prods. “Tell me, because I’m trying to understand why you’re suddenly so invested in one patient when you never cared as much before.” 

“I've always cared, Seongwu, ” he snaps. “Just because I'm not expressive like you guys doesn't mean I don't care.” 

Seongwu looks at him as if he had kicked him in the gut. “I didn’t mean it like that Jonghyun… It’s just…” 

“I know. I’m too affected. I get it, Seongwu, I get it.” He closes his eyes. “Let’s… let’s just talk about this later. You need to get ready and I need to finish Juyeon’s diagnosis.” 

Jonghyun hears the sound of the chair, followed by retreating footsteps. “I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to say that…” Seongwu apologizes and Jonghyun nods. “And… whatever it is that’s troubling you… You can tell me… I’m just here okay..?” 

"I know, Seongwu. Thank you."

Seongwu takes one last glance at him before leaving his office. Once he hears the door close, Jonghyun sighs, and lets out a bitter laugh. 

Remembering how it’s so similar to how Minhyun and him were years ago. 

And how, just like that time, he chose to fuck everything up and hurt Seongwu too. 

—

After wrapping up his final consultation, Jonghyun started to look for Dongho. They're supposed to discuss Juyeon's case, however, the younger doctor found him first, bumping into him in the hallway, breathing heavily. 

"Your daughter," Dongho huffs, trying to catch his breath. "She's in the ER."

The moment Dongho says that, Jonghyun feels like everything in him comes crashing down. He couldn’t move nor breathe. 

“Jonghyun,” Dongho shakes him, meeting his eyes and gripping his shoulders, “your daughter.”

Jonghyun nodded and ran, as if his life depended on it, with Dongho following him. 

As soon as they reach the ER, Jonghyun spots Mingi calming a frantically sobbing Sujin, who’s staring at Juyeon, as Seongwu continues to bark orders to the medical staff. Jonghyun feels everything around him turn into slow-motion. Every part of him is being crushed as he watches Seongwu and the others work on the young girl, that without realizing, he’s shaking and about to fall. Dongho steadies him, squeezing his arms and telling him that he needs to keep it together. 

He marches towards Juyeon, his heart feeling like it’s being shot every time he sees someone inject something into Juyeon’s frail body. 

“Endorse the patient’s case,” he demands, voice a little shaky, quickly moving to Juyeon and checking on her. Seongwu glances at him for a second then nods to the other medical staff. 

“He’s the pedia-in-charge,” Seongwu explains, then turns to Jonghyun. “She collapsed, having a hard time breathing, temperature’s too high.”

“Blood pressure?” 

“It’s dropping.” 

“Stabilize her first,” Jonghyun orders. “Inject paracetamol and start the IV fluid.” 

Seongwu nods, and motions for the team to follow Jonghyun’s instructions. He watches Juyeon worriedly, squeezing her hand before he steps away to make way for the nurse. 

Jonghyun notices that Sujin is looking at him in confusion. “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m her doctor.”

”You’re her… doctor?” Sujin asks, glancing at him then at Juyeon. "Do you know who she is?"

“I do.” He keeps his eyes on Juyeon. “Where is Minhyun?” 

“He’s…” Sujin trails off 

“Here,” Minhyun answers, huffing and catching his breath. “I’m here.” 

Jonghyun felt a huge weight lift off his chest. He meets Minhyun’s eyes, and sees how worried the younger man is. He takes a step forward, holding Minhyun’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“She’s going to be okay,” Jonghyun reassures him. “I promise—”

Then he sees Aaron.

In a split-second, Jonghyun feels every muscle in his body tense in anger and jealousy, as he put two and two together.

"Juyeon is sick, and you went out on a date!?” 

“Jonghyun,” Dongho warns, grabbing his arm. 

Jonghyun shrugs him off and continues glaring at Minhyun. “Are you always this irresponsible, Minhyun-ah? You know that she’s sick. The least you can do is postpone your date to another day.”

“Excuse me? I didn’t leave her with just anyone. I left her with Noona. She won’t let Juyeon come to any harm. You should know that!”

“I don’t care! What if something bad happened to her? What if something bad happened to our daughter?!”

Dead silence followed his outburst. Everyone stood there, shocked at his revelation.

Until Jonghyun feels a hand grip his. He turns and finds Seongwu giving him a pained smile. 

"Let’s talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you G, for helping me piece this chap, J for being the fairy godmother, and G for answering my medical.... needs 😅
> 
> There’s a lot I want to say about this chapter.... but I doubt that you’ll like me rambling so... instead of that, here’s a question:
> 
> _Did it hurt?_
> 
> And also, I’m retiring from Ongbugi.


	8. FLASHBACK: Chocolate Milk

  
_“Here.”_

_Jonghyun looks up from his medical book and sees Minhyun pushing a carton of **chocolate milk** to him. _

_Jonghyun chuckles softly and smiles at Minhyun._

_“Thank you, but you do know that drinking isn’t allowed in here, right?” Jonghyun asks, nodding to the signage at the library wall._

_“I don’t care.” Minhyun stubbornly puffed, sitting next to him. “You need it.”_

_“I do.” Jonghyun hummed, taking Minhyun’s hand and placing a kiss on it. “Thank you, Minhyun-ah.”_

_Thank you for always cheering me up._   
_Thank you for always being here with me._   
_Thank you for being you._

_Minhyun nods, understanding what he means and smiles warmly at him, his other hand, caressing his cheek. “You’re welcome, love.”_

_—_

  
_Jonghyun sprawls on the floor, resting his tired body from his shift. His fingers clasp the ring that’s on his neck. His mind, traveling to a distant place._

_It’s eight o’clock in the evening._   
_He hopes Minhyun had his dinner._

_He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes._

_Imagining Minhyun smiling._   
_Imagining Minhyun laughing._   
_Imagining Minhyun being happy._

_He hopes Minhyun is like that._   
_That Minhyun, wherever he is, is happy and making the most out of his life._

_Not like him._   
_Who’s stuck on their past._   
_And regrets._

_“Here.” Jonghyun feels a cold box press against his head. Jonghyun opens his eyes and stares at the man standing in front of him who has his eyebrow raised. “You look like you need it.”_

_Jonghyun tiredly laughs and takes the carton of **chocolate milk** as the other man sits next to him, opening his own box._

_“Thanks, Seongwu-yah.”_

_Seongwu smiles warmly at him, and clinks his chocolate milk to his. “You’re welcome, Jonghyun.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like drinking chocolate milk(s). Do you like choco milk too?


	9. Minhyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took us this long to update but I guess we're back? 🥰

Minhyun locks his phone after checking the time. Today, he's at a cafe waiting for Aaron to arrive. As he sips his hot chocolate, he unlocks and locks his phone again. He's been waiting since yesterday for Jonghyun to call or text him regarding Juyeon's condition and their next check-up. 

A few minutes later, the doors of the cafe opens and he sees a familiar figure enter. Aaron waves and orders first before approaching his table.

"How was your trip?" Minhyun asks as soon as Aaron takes a seat across from him.

"Oh you wouldn't want to know," Aaron sighs. "It's exhausting, but we finished it on time. I have the week off, thank God. Where's Juyeon? She's not with you?"

"She's with Sujin. They visited the orphanage."

"Oh, we should've gone with them. How's she? What did the doctor say?"

Minhyun anxiously combs his hair with his fingers before answering. "She's fine... but she still needs to undergo more tests." He unconsciously reaches for his phone—still no message.

"At least this doctor seems to be better than the previous one. He is, isn't he?"

Minhyun’s face immediately flushes when Aaron says the word " _doctor._ " Avoiding Aaron's eyes, he whispers softly, "Uh, about that... her doctor is—" The soft vibration of the pager cuts him off. 

“Sorry, let me just get my drink,” Aaron excuses himself. 

Minhyun taps his fingers on the table nervously as he waits. _It's Aaron, Minhyun. You don't have to be nervous._ But then, he remembers that he has to tell Aaron exactly _who_ the doctor is. Just the thought of it makes him groan inwardly.

Aaron returns, a cup of Iced Americano in his hand. "Sorry, what was that again?"

Minhyun hesitates, but decides to just tell Aaron about it. He'll find out sooner or later, anyway.

"It's—" This time he is cut off by the vibration of his phone. He checks the caller ID and is confused to see Choi Mingi, one of his friends from the orphanage, calling him.

"Oh? Mingi-ya… Hello?"

"Juyeonisinthehospitalcomehere—"

"Speak slowly, I can't understand you."

"Juyeon's in the hospital. She fainted, you dumbass!"

"Fuck, what happened?" Minhyun stands up immediately and half-runs to his car, forgetting his drink, forgetting Aaron. "How is she?”

"We were about to eat when she told us she can't breathe and she passed out before we can even reach the car." Mingi pauses, as if trying to catch his breath. “She’s still unconscious.”

Minhyun could feel dread creeping up his heart. "And Sujin?"

"She's here beside me,” Mingi assures him. “Just get your ass here Minhyun-ah, I don't know what to do."

"I’m on my way."

"But please calm down first and be careful, okay? We don't want another patient here," Mingi gives one final reminder before hanging up.

How can he calm down when it’s his daughter they're talking about?

Minhyun fumbles his pocket for his car keys, accidentally dropping them because his hands are shaking furiously. Aaron picks them up, having followed Minhyun after he had run out of the cafe.

"I'm so sorry, Aron,” Minhyun almost sobs. “It's an emergency. Juyeon's in the hospital. I have to go."

"Do you think you can drive in that state?” Aron reprimands him gently. “I'm going with you. And I’m driving."

Neither talk as they head towards the hospital. Aaron drives as fast as the speed limit would allow him. Minhyun bites his lips anxiously, his hands growing cold because of anxiety. He can't stop thinking about his daughter—the fear of not knowing what's happening to her is starting to get to him.

When they arrive, Minhyun immediately gets off the car and runs straight to the Emergency Room, with Aaron following him after he parks the car.

He looks for Juyeon, or Sujin and Mingi, but it is Jonghyun and Dongho that he sees first. He's out of breath as he walks briskly towards them.

"Where's Minhyun?" he hears Jonghyun asking.

“Here,” Minhyun answers, huffing and catching his breath. “I’m here.” 

Minhyun glances at Juyeon and suddenly feels the urge to cry. His little angel looks pale with all the medical apparatus and dextrose connected to her. Then he feels Jonghyun's hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“She’s going to be okay,” Jonghyun reassures him. “I promise—”

Jonghyun is cut off by Aaron's arrival. Aaron puts his arm around Minhyun and tells him, "It will be alright. She'll be fine."

Minhyun sees Jonghyun's expression change, as he pulls his hand away and glares at him indignantly.

"Juyeon is sick, and you went out on a date!?” Jonghyun spits out, clearly disappointed in him. “Are you always this irresponsible, Minhyun-ah? You know that she’s sick. The least you can do is postpone your date to another day.”

Minhyun is shocked and hurt by this sudden outburst. He might not be in the medical field but he knows this isn't how doctors should act.

Why is Jonghyun acting like this? 

“Excuse me?" Minhyun's voice rises in disbelief. "I didn’t leave her with just anyone. I left her with Noona. She won’t let Juyeon come to any harm. You should know that!” 

“I don’t care!" Jonghyun's voice rises as well. "What if something bad had happened to her? What if something bad had happened to our daughter?!”

Dead silence. Even Minhyun doesn't know what to say. So... Jonghyun knows who Juyeon is, and he acknowledges it.

Seongwu walks toward Jonghyun and holds his hand, pulling him outside the room, leaving Dongho behind. 

“Her vitals are going back to normal,” one of the nurses announces, breaking the silence. 

“Good. Let’s move Jonghyun’s—I mean, the patient to the pediatric room,” Dongho answers, checking on Juyeon, before turning to Minhyun. “You need to sign a couple of papers for her to be admitted.” 

“My daughter was brought in here and I still have no idea what’s going on, and you want me to sign a couple of papers?!” Minhyun asks, tone still irritated, glaring at Dongho. 

“Look, Minhyun-ssi, it’s hospital protocol to—”

“Let’s deal with the paperwork later,” Jonghyun announces, walking back to them as if nothing happened at all. “Get Juyeon a room first, and notify us immediately so we can move her.”

“Uh—sure, I guess,” Dongho answers with a shrug, nodding towards one of the nurses. The two leave them be. 

Jonghyun walks towards Juyeon, checking her condition. “About earlier...”

“Let’s talk about that later,” Minhyun cuts him off. He turns to his daughter and holds her hand. He can feel Jonghyun and Aaron’s watchful eyes but Minhyun ignores them both. He’ll deal with everything later. Juyeon is who's important right now.

———

It takes one excruciating hour in the pediatric room before Juyeon finally stabilizes. Minhyun brushes the stray hair away from Juyeon’s face and plants a kiss on her head.

Sujin clears her throat and excuses herself, telling Minhyun that she'll just buy food for them. As soon as the door closes, Minhyun turns to Dongho. "Dongho-ssi, how's Juyeon? Is she going to be fine?"

"I can't say anything for sure. She has… heart problems." Dongho looks at him. "Ask Jonghyun. He’s the pedia in charge. I'm not in the position to explain her condition to you."

“How can I ask him, when he’s not even here?!” Minhyun snaps, his fists clenching in anger. As soon as Juyeon’s out of critical condition, Jonghyun excused himself and asked Dongho to look after Juyeon first, just until she completely stabilizes, without even telling Minhyun exactly what’s Juyeon’s condition. And when he had tried to stop Jonghyun, to ask him what’s wrong with their daughter, all Jonghyun said was: _“Later, Minhyun-ah. I’ll tell you later.”_

“He… he should be here—” Dongho is cut off by a knock on the door. Nayoung opens it and looks around, as if searching for something.

"Oh, I thought Jonghyun's here. Sorry." She walks in and addresses Dongho. "How is she?"

"I'm just waiting for her vitals to completely stabilize before I leave the room. She's a strong girl, considering…" Dongho gives a knowing look to Nayoung, making Minhyun feel more frustrated.

Probably sensing the slight tension in the room, Nayoung furrows her brows. "So Juyeon's stabilizing, but what's up with you two? It's not like she's still in grave danger."

"It's Jonghyun."

"Why? What happened to him?"

"He… He kinda messed up earlier.” Dongho shrugs, and when Nayoung raises an eyebrow in confusion, probing Dongho to tell her more, the doctor sighs. “He said Juyeon's his daughter _in front_ of everyone in the ER… and Seongwu."

"Oh… I knew it. I told him one of these days he'll just explode and spill everything." She shakes her head and sighs. "I hope he'll be fine."

"We don't want _that thing_ happening again. I can't handle Jonghyun when he's like that."

"What are you talking about? What's _'that thing'_?"

The two turn to Minhyun almost simultaneously. From the way Dongho is biting his bottom lip, it must have been a slip of the tongue.

Dongho, fidgeting nervously before answering him, "Minhyun, you should just ask Jonghyun about—"

"What, you mean you don't know what happened before?" Nayoung asks, certain that the two were still together when _that_ happened.

"...I don't?"

Nayoung opens her mouth, about to tell everything, but Dongho gives her a stern look.

"Nayoung-ssi," Dongho calls her, stopping her from whatever she was about to say. "Juyeon's vitals are back to normal. Let's get out of here."

"But—"

"One of our residents will check on Juyeon from time to time, you know Daehwi, right? The one who assists Jonghyun?” Dongho doesn’t wait for Minhyun to answer. “Yeah, him, he’ll be here soon, so, yeah—bye.” Dongho said quickly, pulling—almost dragging—Nayoung out of the room, leaving Minhyun behind.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for keeping us sane ate J. Hahahaa we owe you a lot. 🥰


	10. Jonghyun

Jonghyun doesn’t know how long they’ve been here, sitting by rows of old lockers and staring at the wall across them. 

All he remembers is that as soon as he left Juyeon’s room, Seongwu was there at the hallway, waiting for him with a tired smile, handing him a can of iced coffee. 

And now they’re here, exactly where they had first met.

The old locker room of the ER department.

The last time that Jonghyun is here was three years ago. Even though the old locker room has lost its usual occupants of doctors and nurses, now replaced by stacks of medical supplies, it still retained some of its old form. 

A section of the wall features a lighter shade of paint, where the bulletin board used to be. Next to it remains the huge cork board full of post-its _—_ the one they called Freedom Wall, where they would write random stuff, like words of motivation, quotes from books, mentors, and the like, stories about their patients, some good, but mostly rants, and someone’s phone number looking for a break-buddy. Jonghyun sees Dongho’s old number on the board, and can’t help but smile a little. Jonghyun remembers Seongwu putting it there out of spite, because Dongho had written his number. He remembers how he teased Seongwu, asking if he’s jealous.

_“Why the hell would I be jealous if someone texts you, wanting to be your break-buddy?” Seongwu defends himself._

_“Uhm, I don’t know Seongwu, maybe because of this?” Jonghyun plucks the freshly sticked post-it addressed to him. “‘Good morning, Jonghyun-ssi, I hope you’ll smile brighter today than yesterday and that you’ll finish your meal today, too, unlike yesterday,’” Jonghyun reads out loud, mimicking Seongwu’s voice as he tries his best not to laugh at how suddenly Seongwu looks like he’s suffering from stomachache with that blush on his face._

_“I didn’t—I mean, I have no idea what that’s about.”_

_Jonghyun laughs as Seongwu fumbles with his words. When he feels his phone vibrate, he checks and reads a message from his senior surgeon, telling him to go to his office. Jonghyun turns to Seongwu and offers him a teasing smile. He then turns, waving as he starts to leave the locker room._

_“Okay then, Seongwu-ssi.”_

_Jonghyun is about to close the door when he hears a groan and the continuous pounding sound of metal in the lockers. With a smile on his face, he walks back to Seongwu and puts his hand in the space between Seongwu’s forehead and the metal locker’s door. Seongwu looks at him, surprised. Jonghyun chuckles softly, smiling warm and bright at the other doctor. “I should be free in two hours. Do you want to have lunch together, Seongwu?”_

_“I—uh, yeah, sure.”_

_“Okay, I’ll text you then.”_

_Seongwu nods. “O-okay.”_

_Jonghyun smiles and leans closer to Seongwu and kisses him on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, break-buddy.”_

“Everything has changed, yet somehow, it still looks the same, isn’t it?” Seongwu asks, breaking the silence. 

Jonghyun doesn’t answer and instead stares at the Freedom Wall across them, reading an all-too-familiar handwriting. One that reminds him of countless lunch dates, of warm smiles, of comforting hugs, of stolen chaste and sometimes hungry kisses, of a sweet and always playful voice calling his name. 

_I miss you. I hope you’re okay and eating well there, Break-buddy,_ it says, signed with Seongwu’s initials. Seongwu probably wrote it when he moved to the Pediatric Department and was so busy adjusting to his schedule that they hardly had time to meet. But that didn’t last long, thanks to Seongwu, who, as always, was able to adjust to his schedule. 

It has always been like that. From the very first moment that Seongwu had brought him here and asked if he’s okay, to the times he’s going through his and Minhyun’s break-up. Seongwu would nonchalantly sit next to him, not saying anything and would just pass him a carton of choco milk as if he’s some crying kid who just got vaccinated and needed a lollipop afterwards. But then again, that’s what his 29-year-old self needed. Someone who would be there for him without asking any questions, someone who won’t look at him as if he’s some god or some rival, but someone who’ll just sit next to him and from time to time would pull him out of the darkness that was eating him up. 

And that is exactly Seongwu. 

Seongwu with his bright personality, with his too-blunt and no-filter self. Seongwu who isn’t like him, who puts on a mask everyday, pretending everything is fine but on the inside, is just an empty shell. A good-fucking-example of a glorious façade with nothing but darkness inside. And Seongwu had seen through that—seen through his façades, his masks, of his personality of pushing everyone out when all he wants is for someone to really see him and hold his hand and pull him out of the prison that he’s imprisoning himself. 

And Seongwu did that. With his carton of choco milks, of his perceptiveness, of his bright and too-sunny disposition, and his no-shit personality. 

And that’s how he was healed. Little by little, his dark prison was filled with light, that before Jonghyun knew what’s happening, he’s already outside of his jail with a warmly-smiling Ong Seongwu next to him holding his hand as he walked into the sun-lit world. 

But, of course, it wouldn’t always be sunny. There would be gloomy rainy days too, just like now.

What happened today in the ER was like a thunderstorm. Feelings and words spattered like how lightning and thunder would strike, how lightning would hit a tree and leave a scar on it. 

And that’s what Jonghyun did today. Like lightning, he hurt Seongwu. Leaving a scar that won’t ever disappear. Just like what he did with Minhyun. 

“Minhyun…” Seongwu whispers, turning to him and reaching for his hand, a sad smile on his face. “He still feels the same about you.”

“Seongwu.”

“And you still feel the same about him.” 

There isn’t a tinge of pain, nor hurt, nor betrayal in Seongwu’s voice. Instead, it’s like how Seongwu’s normally is—someone who will hug you when you’re lonely, squeeze your hand when you need support, gently kiss you on the forehead when you’re tired and weary. 

“And it’s okay.” 

Seongwu looks into his eyes, smiling warmly, as if trying to help him make peace with the thoughts raging in his head, those that scream that Seongwu is right, that everything he just said is true. That his feelings with Minhyun had never vanished, and that no matter what he does, no matter how much he denies it, even if he stays with Seongwu, he’ll only end up hurting Seongwu more. 

Because at the end of the day, no matter how much Seongwu pulls him in his bright and warm sun-lit day, it’s still the darkness of the night, with its faint shining stars, that makes him sleep comfortably. Lulling him with memories of childish banter, of the smell of burnt sunny-side ups and oily pancakes, of smiles that he could still see vividly, even after not seeing it in years, and of irritating laughter that makes his heart feel full, as if he wasn’t broken at all. 

At the end of the day, it’s still Minhyun.

Minhyun, who never seemed to stop talking. Minhyun, who always nagged him to clean. Minhyun, who always had a hand ready even before you asked for help. Minhyun, who had an infinite amount of patience everytime he screwed up, who always showered him with love even though he always pushed him away. 

And despite everything that has happened, despite the years that they’ve parted—despite the hundred reasons he fell in love with Seongwu, in the end—it still goes back to that one reason why it will always be Minhyun. 

_“Why do you love me, Jonghyun?” Minhyun asks him out of nowhere. Jonghyun ponders on the question as Minhyun waits patiently, his perky smile turning into a frown as minutes pass by. “Is it that hard to answer?”_

_Jonghyun shakes his head and smiles, pulling Minhyun in his arms and helping him to mix the spaghetti sauce that’s now burning in the stove. “It’s not hard, and I can list a hundred reasons on why I love you… but.”_

_“But?” Minhyun asks, facing him, a definite frown on his face. Jonghyun dips down and kisses the frown away._

_“But in the end, it all boils down to one reason,” Jonghyun answers, pulling Minhyun to face front again._

_“And that is?”_

_“I don’t need a reason to love you, I just do.”_

“Seongwu…” Jonghyun takes Seongwu’s hand in his face and gives it a squeeze. Seongwu shakes his head, stopping Jonghyun from saying more. 

“It’s okay, and I understand.” Seongwu says with a smile. “It’s time, Jonghyun. Make do with your promise.” 

Jonghyun stares at Seongwu and his bright smile. He cups Seongwu’s face with his hand. His thumb caressing the three moles of Seongwu’s cheek that are like constellations in the night sky, one that should have been enough for Jonghyun. Seongwu smiles at him brightly to give him one last push, and Jonghyun tries to return that smile. 

It's amazing how Seongwu is. How he can still smile brightly, shine even during this time. But that’s Ong Seongwu. 

Seongwu is always that person who’ll smile brightly even the toughest times. Seongwu, who, even when he’s seconds away from passing out, will say something to make someone laugh and cheer them up. Seongwu, who has the most beautiful and loving heart, a heart that he wholeheartedly gave him with no second thoughts. 

And it’s time for him to let go of that now. To let Seongwu be happy, too.

_“Let’s start dating,” he murmurs against Seongwu’s lips. Jonghyun can feel Seongwu’s lips curved into a smile against his, and he pulls away._

_“I’m serious, Seongwu.” He glares. Seongwu chuckles and shakes his head, hands fixing his now messy hair. “Seongwu.”_

_“I know, I know,” Seongwu answers, rolling his eyes, before taking his hand as they walk out of their hideout._

_“Then answer me,” he points out, getting annoyed as this has been going on for weeks, with Seongwu evading his questions. And it’s understandable why Seongwu has been doing so due to his… he stops and shakes his head._

_It’s been two years, Jonghyun. Stop thinking of him when you have Seongwu in your life now._

_You have Seongwu in your life now._

_“How about this,” Seongwu pulls him out from his thoughts. “Instead of labeling this and like you wanted—‘officially dating’, how about we just enjoy everything like how we’re doing now?”_

_Jonghyun sighs, “Then what’s the difference? That’s basically the same.”_

_“Well, one—we are not flirting anymore.”_

_“You make it sound like we’re freaking doing a one-night stand.”_

_“Well, we are actually doing that, but—” Seongwu stops and faces him, flicking the grumpy lines in his forehead, “but, just more serious this time.”_

_“I don’t get it, why can’t we just date like normal people?”_

_Seongwu chuckles and shakes his head. “Because we aren’t normal people, Jonghyun. We’re cooler than that.” Jonghyun rolls his eyes in answer, and Seongwu clicks his tongue. “And, I know that you are being serious, Jong, trust me I do, and I’m thankful for that.”_

_“...but?” Jonghyun asks. Seongwu smiles at that._

_“But, I’m happy with us just being like this.” Seongwu smiles gently before his face turns serious as he squeezes his hand. “And, I want you to promise me something.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Promise me first, Jonghyun.”_

_“Fine. I promise, now tell me.”_

_Seongwu squeezes his hand, his expression somber but soft. “Promise me that when the time comes and it’s not me that you need... Please just tell me that you love me and leave me.”_

Jonghyun pulls Seongwu to him and hugs him tight. His lips on his head. He feels Seongwu tug on his shirt, his hands clenching tight as the other nods in his shoulder. “I love you, Seongwu. Thank you for everything.”

“I love you too, Jonghyun. Thank you.” Seongwu murmurs against his shoulder, before pulling away. Seongwu smiles at him, and nods to the door. “Now go, Jonghyun. Go _home._ ”

_“How do you like this place?” Jonghyun asks as Minhyun steps inside the empty apartment._

_“It’s nice, bigger than the one we’re living in.”_

_“Yeah it is, and…” Jonghyun pauses and clears his throat nervously. Minhyun glances at him, asking if he’s okay and he nods, reaching for Minhyun’s hand. “And uhm, it has two bedrooms.”_

_“I can see that.” Minhyun hums, walking towards the second room and checking it. “It’s big. Even if we divide this room between ourselves—”_

_“No.” He cuts off, voice loud and clear, surprising Minhyun. The younger man looks at him with his eyebrows raised._

_“No? Then what?”_

_“This is for her.”_

_“Her?”_

_“Yes, her—our daughter.” Jonghyun answers. He sees a smile form on Minhyun lips as the other faces front again, glancing at the room._

_“Then it’s final.” Minhyun says, beaming at him. “This will be our home then.”_

Jonghyun can see his hand shaking as he holds onto the doorknob. He takes another deep sigh, his heart beating tremendously loud in his chest. With another sigh, he turns the knob and opens the door.

A familiar mop of messy hair immediately welcomes him, staring straight in his eyes. And even though Jonghyun knows that the pointed stare aimed at him means that he has angered him again, he still chuckles. 

Minhyun looks at him, fuming mad, and that makes Jonghyun chuckle more. God, he missed that look so much. 

Jonghyun closes the door, and walks to the two people that he loves and will love all his life. And it’s funny how earlier, he was so nervous—how he felt that he doesn’t have any right to be here again, and yet now—he feels that everything will be alright. 

That despite everything being a mess. Despite everything being undefined. He knows he’s in the right place. 

_He’s home._

Jonghyun smiles. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips milk tea* so, is Jonghyun a big jerk or..?


	11. Minhyun

It's been a long day. Minhyun's tired but he won't leave or sleep a wink. Sujin and Mingi had already left and Aaron went out to buy something.

He still doesn't know anything about Juyeon's condition except that there's something wrong with her heart—at least that's what Dongho had reluctantly told him. He also said to ask Jonghyun since he's the doctor-in-charge.

Minhyun stands to look at his daughter. It pains him to see her like this, with all the wires and fluids connected to her. 

"Juyeon, baby. Dad's here. Don't worry, hm? Just be healthy again and I promise to buy you that dollhouse you've always wanted, okay?" Minhyun whispers, lightly squeezing Juyeon's hand. He is smoothening the creases on the blanket covering Juyeon when someone opens the door.

It’s Jonghyun.

Minhyun immediately glares, still mad, not just because of Jonghyun’s outburst but also because he still hasn't explained anything about Juyeon's condition.

And Jonghyun? The man just chuckles, further aggravating Minhyun. The doctor then gives him a warm smile, almost disarming him, until he remembers that he's still mad. He rolls his eyes instead.

“ _I’m sorry it took me so long_.”

Minhyun maintains his still-irritated-at-you façade while Jonghyun checks Juyeon's chart. The doctor gently caresses the child’s cheek, then checks her vitals and IVs. Once he finishes, he closes the chart and turns to Minhyun.

"She's doing great..." Jonghyun starts, giving Juyeon’s hand a squeeze before sitting next to Minhyun. "I'm sorry about earlier... and for not telling you about Juyeon's case."

"It's alright. Just say it, Jonghyun. How's Juyeon? What's her condition?"

Jonghyun gently holds Minhyun's hand and sighs. "She has Congenital Heart defects and infective endocarditis.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“There’s a big hole in her heart, but what’s making it worse is the infection in her endocardium. That’s the reason why Juyeon is in this state right now.” Jonghyun pauses, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “She needs to undergo surgery as soon as possible, Minhyun-ah.” 

“But she—” Minhyun turns to his daughter, panic rising in his chest. “She was okay? She didn’t show any signs before—”

“There are cases when symptoms would only show at a later age. That’s what happened to her,” Jonghyun explains. “I asked you before if there were changes in Juyeon, right? Like her sudden lack of appetite.” Minhyun nods, and Jonghyun gives his hand another squeeze. “That’s one of them, a lot of those symptoms aren’t alarming and would be like the common bad flu.” To Minhyun, it sounds like Jonghyun is trying to comfort him, to say that it wasn’t his fault. 

Minhyun loses count of how many minutes has passed, but as Jonghyun explains more about Juyeon’s condition, the more he feels scared, turning more pale in worry. He remembers how sometimes Juyeon would seem tired, even though she was just sitting, or how sometimes she'd be out of breath. He feels stupid for thinking that that was just normal for children her age.

"The surgery isn’t something to be scared of nor will it drastically alter her life. She will continue to live normally, healthier, even, so you don't have to worry about anything at all.” 

"How can I not worry? She's my daughter."

" _Our daughter, Minhyun-ah._ "

Minhyun looks up, surprised at how easy it was for Jonghyun to call Juyeon _their daughter._ Although he's still not convinced at the reassurance Jonghyun is offering, it's calming to know he's not alone in this battle. "You can save her, right?"

"Of course I can. It’s not even a hard surgery. So don’t worry too much, Minhyun-ah."

Minhyun pauses. He takes a deep breath, then nods slightly. "How's Seongwu? How did he react after..."

He sees Jonghyun freeze for a second before he smiles. “He’s fine.”

“He’s fine?” Minhyun asks, completely confused. But before Jonghyun can say another word, a soft knock on the door interrupts him.

“Should I...” Jonghyun’s assistant nurse hesitates. 

"It's okay, I already checked up on her." 

The nurse nods and leaves the room.

Jonghyun stands. "I should probably go now. Rest, Minhyun-ah. She'll wake up tomorrow and you'll be needing energy for that."

“Juyeon… will she be really okay after the surgery?” 

“She will. I promise you, she will.” 

Jonghyun smiles warmly at him before stepping out of the room. He pauses, turning back to look at Minhyun, only to meet his gaze. Jonghyun smiles softly again and whispers, “I’m really sorry, Minhyun-ah.”

“About what..?”

“About earlier and… everything I did before.”

"I know," Minhyun nods, finally offering the older man a small smile. And he knows it's not entirely Jonghyun's fault, that somehow he also did things that hurt him. “I’m sorry too.”

…..

The days passed by like a blur as they waited for Juyeon to completely stabilize for the surgery. It’s been three days since she was admitted to the hospital. During those days, Jonghyun seemed to spend more time in Juyeon's room than his own office.

Yesterday, Jonghyun insisted on feeding Juyeon and Minhyun saw how good he was with kids. It was a hard task even for Minhyun to ask Juyeon to eat but Jonghyun made it look like it was so easy.

In between chewing, Juyeon turned to Jonghyun and asked innocently, "Doctor ahjussi, why are you always visiting me?"

"Ahjussi? Do I look like an ahjussi to you?" he asked Juyeon and glared at Minhyun because the other cannot hold back his laughter.

"What should I call you then?"

"Dad? How about calling me Dad?"

Juyeon pondered about it and then pointed at Minhyun. "But I already have a Dad."

"Then, I'll be your other Dad."

"Jonghyun-ah..." Minhyun reprimanded. It might confuse Juyeon since they haven't explained anything to her yet.

Jonghyun sighed in defeat. "Just call me uncle then… for now." The last part is more like a whisper but still reached Minhyun's ears.

During these visits, Minhyun can feel how Jonghyun wants to be part of this family and how they are actually turning into one. He can see how protective Jonghyun is, how he truly cares for Juyeon. And how he can even say no now to Juyeon if it could affect her health or her diet.

It was not only Jonghyun who kept on visiting them. There's Dongho, Seongwu and even Nayoung. Today, Nayoung visits them and plays with Juyeon. It's amusing how Nayoung seems so cold to others yet she seems so warm to Juyeon, so much that she's been smiling the whole time.

"She's beautiful—Juyeon." Nayoung smiles as she sits beside Minhyun. Juyeon is now busy playing with her dolls that Aaron has brought for her. 

"Yes, she is. She's an angel."

"She's an angel at this age. Wait until she grows up. You won't ever call her angel again," Nayoung jokes.

Minhyun chuckles a bit. "Even if she pushes me away in the future, she'll always be an angel to me." He suddenly becomes serious. "I just hope she'll be able to grow up healthy."

"She will. After this operation, she'll be able to live properly, grow up as any normal kid."

Minhyun slightly nods before sighing. "It's normal to be anxious about it, right? The operation, I mean."

"Of course, you're only human, a parent, and you're Hwang Minhyun. That's what you always do—worry a lot." Nayoung offers him a smile. Her stoic face seems to be smiling more and more these days. "But she's with Jonghyun. He won't ever let anything bad happen to his daughter." 

“I know,” Minhyun mumbles. "I know he won't.”

Minhyun sees Dongho pass by the doorway and he remembers what Dongho had said three days ago. “What happened to Jonghyun before, Nayoung?” 

Nayoung stills before sighing. “I told Jonghyun to tell you, but knowing how he is...” Nayoung sighs again, deciding that it's not right to still keep Minhyun in the dark. "You know how back when we’re still in residency, he was known for being a promising resident, right?" 

Minhyun nods. 

“All senior surgeons favor him despite his aloof nature, and his batch mates noticed that, leading them to ostracize and sometimes, even bully, him.” 

"He was bullied? He never told me about it."

“You know how he is, and he actually didn’t mind them bullying him. He just said that it’s part of the job—how his seniors and everyone are pushing patients to him as if he’s their slave. I told him that he should tell the higher ups, because he’s even doing some of his seniors’ thesis, but he would just brush it off and say that it doesn’t matter, and that he’s okay, he has us, his friends, and you." Nayoung pauses and gives him a knowing look. “But you know, even if you’re the strong and tough Kim Jonghyun, at some point, it will affect you too, and it did. For Jonghyun, it came like a snowball effect.”

“What do you mean?” 

"Something happened five years ago... before you two broke up.” Nayoung sighs then turns to him, apologetic. “I won’t go into details because it’s better if you hear it from Jonghyun himself, but for a year or two, he blamed himself for something he had no control of, thinking that it was his fault. It wasn’t a good time—hell, I don’t even know how to describe Jonghyun that time. He was just so hopeless—as if he had no will to live that at some point, he was ordered to take a break from the hospital until he gets better. It was all thanks to Seongwu that Jonghyun came back… that he overcame it.” Nayoung pauses. “And I know that I’m asking too much from you and this is not my business… but I just want you to know that Seongwu, he has no fault in this. He was just there, when all of us couldn’t be with Jonghyun.”

Minhyun can only imagine how Jonghyun felt before and now he somewhat knows why Jonghyun avoided him—why Jonghyun just let him go. And although it pains him how Jonghyun just allowed depression to eat him up, Minhyun can now understand.

If only Jonghyun relied on him more. If only Jonghyun had shared his pain to him before. But knowing him, Jonghyun wouldn't. Especially not to him because Jonghyun knows how empathic he can be. Thank God for Seongwu. And although he can feel a tiny tinge of jealousy, he really is thankful. He was there for Jonghyun when Minhyun wasn’t.

There’s a knock on the door and both of them look up to see Seongwu, looking at them in surprise. 

“Speaking of the devil,” Nayoung chuckles, before standing up. 

“Excuse me? I’m an angel, Nayoung,” Seongwu jokes, entering the room and greeting Minhyun with a nod before heading straight to Juyeon to check up on her.

“Right,” Nayoung answers, taking her things. “I’ll get going back now, I’ll drop by again before the surgery.” 

Minhyun nods, and ushers Nayoung out of the room, while Seongwu proceeds on checking up Juyeon.

“Uhm, about the other day...” Minhyun starts. Seongwu turns and gives him a confused look. “I mean at the ER...” 

He’s expecting for the doctor to freeze up, like how Jonghyun reacted, but Seongwu just smiles at him, warmly and understanding even. “You don’t have to be sorry about that, it’s understandable, I’m used to parents acting like that.” 

The way Seongwu says that, it’s as if he has already accepted it—that Jonghyun is Juyeon's dad. Minhyun stares at the doctor, confused. How can he be so understanding and so… selfless? Seongwu should've been angry at him, at them. Or, at least a bit annoyed. Why is he acting as if things were… normal? 

“...but, aren’t you and Jonghyun..?” Minhyun asks, inflicting pain on himself, but he's really curious. 

A sad smile forms on Seongwu’s face. “We’re friends, that’s all.” He turns away from him and looks at Juyeon. "You should sleep now, Juyeon-ssi. It's bad for babies to sleep late. You won't grow tall."

"Yes, thank you for your hard work," Juyeon nods at Seongwu, earning a soft laugh from them.

He closes the patient's chart he was holding and prepares to leave the room when Minhyun speaks again. "I'm sorry, Seongwu. I... I feel like I have to apologize to you."

"You don't have to apologize to me." Seongwu gives him a sad smile. "I should be the one to apologize to you. I'm sorry, if... If I put myself in the picture.."

Minhyun feels small. Seongwu's just too kind for the world. "Thank you for staying with him when I couldn’t."

"And thank you, for coming back." 

_Are you really thankful, Seongwu?_

“Take care of Jonghyun..." Seongwu pauses and looks at him. "Remind him how he's not alone, that you always have his back. I know you know how he's such a pain in the ass and how stubborn he can be. Confront him or be honest with him, he needs that."

Seongwu pats his back awkwardly. "Don't ever let go of him again, Minhyun-ah. I hope you'll be happy this time. I truly hope so." And the doctor leaves the room.

.....

Minhyun is about to fall asleep when a knock wakes him up. It’s Jonghyun, again. Minhyun is already anticipating Jonghyun's update tonight, like how he has been updating him about his team's preparations for the surgery. But the older man is somewhat late tonight, so Minhyun thought he isn’t coming anymore.

“You’re here,” Minhyun says, yawning. He sits up and Jonghyun sits beside him.

“Yeah, I'm sorry. We can just do this tomorrow if you want..."

"No, it's alright. You already woke me up," Minhyun says playfully.

Jonghyun smiles apologetically. "I know it’s late, but I just need to discuss something with you."

They speak for half an hour, mostly about the procedures of the surgery, with Jonghyun patiently explaining to him whenever he cannot understand something.

"That's the whole surgery. And oh, you need to sign the consent form for it. I'll just ask the nurse to bring it to you tomorrow." Jonghyun stands and starts to fix his things, preparing to leave the room.

He looks at Jonghyun. He looks so tired, with bags evident under his eyes. He might have been up all night, reading and researching about Juyeon's case.

Minhyun holds the hem of his doctor's coat. Jonghyun looks down at him. "What?"

"Stay."

Jonghyun looks at him, confused and surprised. Nonetheless, he sits down again.

"Stay?"

"Yeah… Stay here for tonight, Jonghyun-ah. Sleep here. You need it."

Jonghyun shakes his head. "Thanks… but I need to prepare for the surgery."

Minhyun clicks his tongue at the stubborn guy beside him. Jonghyun sighs, shaking his head.

“I really am grateful for the offer—”

"Then stay, just for tonight, please?” Minhyun coaxes, worried at Jonghyun. “You yourself would end up in the ER if you don’t get proper sleep."

"But, I still need to—"

Minhyun purses his lips. "Jjuya. Do you want me to also worry about you?"

The moment Minhyun uses Jonghyun’s nickname for him, he sees the latter’s feature change into alarm, before quickly relaxing into a soft smile. Jonghyun nods, admitting that he has lost the battle. 

"Just for an hour then…” Jonghyun pauses, then smiles at him, “...Hyun-ah."

Minhyun tries to control his expression at the way his heart flutters when Jonghyun used his nickname for him. He shakes his head, staring pointedly at Jonghyun, and he crosses his arms on his chest. "Nope, you need to sleep, and looking at you now, an hour is definitely not enough."

Jonghyun sighs. "Fine, three hours, then."

"One."

Jonghyun cocks his head on the side, lips slightly pouting. "Three hours and thirty minutes?"

"...two."

“Four hours, that’s really the maximum that I can—”

“...three.”

"Okay, okay. I'll sleep here until the sun rises. Are you happy now?"

"Very," Minhyun smirks. He pulls Jonghyun on the extra bed and asks him to lay down and sleep. He's planning to just sleep on the couch.

He stands to get an extra pillow and blanket for himself when Jonghyun tugs at his hand. "Jonghyun, what—"

“Just… just sleep here next to me, Minhyun-ah,” Jonghyun whispers, staring at him, eyes pleading. "Just for tonight… let’s… let’s stay like this… please?"

The look of vulnerability in Jonghyun's face hurts Minhyun. He knows this side of Jonghyun too well, knows how he seldom shows this. He nods, and Jonghyun smiles tiredly before pulling him close. Jonghyun leans his head on his shoulder. Minhyun pulls the blanket over them, hand resting on Jonghyun’s back. He feels the other stiffen but soon relaxes as Minhyun pats him gently, like how he would do to Juyeon. 

Jonghyun sighs, and nestles deeper in him. “Thank you, Minhyun-ah.” 

“You’re welcome…” he replies. It's been years since he last held him this close—it's almost overwhelming. It's been so long since he last saw Jonghyun this close and despite having eyebags today, he still looks the same.

“I…” Minhyun hears Jonghyun whisper against his shoulders, “I missed this.”

He starts wondering if Jonghyun still has feelings for him. _Does he miss him, like all of him, or just this—being close and able to just lean on each other._ But then, he stops almost immediately. 

He'll just worry about everything else tomorrow. Whatever this is, he decides to just focus on this moment. For now, he lets himself do whatever he wants without worrying about other people or the possible consequences after. He hugs Jonghyun tighter. And, it’s like he’s back home.

Back to _his_ home.

"I missed this too, Jonghyun-ah."

…..

_He can feel the man beside him staring, which makes it hard for him to go back to sleep._

_"I'm glad you're back, Hyun-ah. I'm glad." The man lifts his hand to touch Minhyun's face and he smiles at the sweet gesture._

_Please don't let this be a dream._

It isn't.

As soon Minhyun opens his eyes, he immediately meets the eyes of Kim Jonghyun. And Jonghyun, seeing him awake already, smiles at him and whispers a soft "Good morning."

He remembers they're at the hospital and that he had asked Jonghyun to sleep in their room. Suddenly, he becomes conscious of his bed hair and morning breath. He tries to fix his hair and covers his mouth with his other hand, earning a soft chuckle from the man beside him.

"I've seen it all, Minhyun-ah. And I can still remember how your morning breath smells. It's like—"

Minhyun sits up and hits Jonghyun with a pillow. "Yah! It doesn't smell that bad."

"It doesn't just smell," Jonghyun smirks, teasing him some more. "It stinks."

Minhyun hits him some more.

"Stop, stop, I'm just jo—"

They are interrupted by a soft knock and opening of the door.

"I brought your clothes and some of Juyeon's stuff—Jonghyun?" Sujin looks from Jonghyun to Minhyun, back to Jonghyun again.

"He just... uhm, I just asked him to sleep because he looked tired…"

Sujin lifts one of her eyebrows. "You don't have to be so defensive about it. Why don't you two grab some breakfast or something and I'll stay here with Juyeon."

Jonghyun stands first, fixes his side of the bed, and waits for Minhyun outside the room. Sujin still eyes him even after he steps outside.

"Minhyun-ah. What was that?" She whispers, disapprovingly.

"What was what?" Minhyun tries to act innocent but Sujin won't have any of it. She raises her eyebrow again. "It's really nothing, Noona, we just slept, okay? We're both tired."

"So..? Can't he just sleep in the staff room or his office?"

"Noona…"

"Just…" Sujin takes a deep breath. "Sorry for being overprotective. I just don't want you to get hurt again because of him, okay?"

Minhyun nods, "I know, Noona." He knows exactly what Sujin means because, just like Aaron, she was also there when he and Jonghyun broke up. And although they are still figuring things out, he knows that both him and Jonghyun have changed, now with Juyeon at the center of all this. He knows he won't let himself, and Juyeon, get hurt.

He opens the door and sees Jonghyun, leaning against the wall, obviously eavesdropping. He chuckles and the older man gives him a shy smile. Minhyun reaches out for Jonghyun's hand and squeezes it lightly, letting him know it's okay.

"Shall we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone 🥰


	12. Jonghyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: failed resuscitation scene/death.

Jonghyun yawns and shakes his head awake as he walks back to his office. He stretches his arms, reaching for his phone to update Minhyun, when he sees a familiar figure waiting for him outside of his office. 

The man must have felt him staring because he turns to him. There’s that usual confident smirk on his face—one that Jonghyun has envied so much years ago. 

“It’s been a long time, Aaron-hyung,” Jonghyun greets him with a smile.

“It has been. You haven’t changed at all...” Aaron replies, giving Jonghyun a thorough once-over, one that feels like a lighthearted joke. “Still the same over-confident ass like before.”

Jonghyun laughs. He finds it funny how Aaron always sees him that way, when in reality, it’s the other way around.

“You too, Hyung. You still look like a midget casanova,” Jonghyun retorts, easing to a smile. “Coffee?” 

Aaron smiles back. “Sure.” 

“You know, when you said you’ll treat me to coffee, I was expecting from a cafe, not from a vendo machine,” Aaron grimaces as he sips his Americano. 

“Cafes wouldn’t have this view though,” Jonghyun replies, nodding at the view below. He hears Aaron softly snicker next to him. They spend a few quiet minutes watching people come and go by. There’s a couple of doctors walking by the sidewalk, people in corporate attires walking to a restaurant, a couple holding hands as they leave a cafe, and a family of three playing at the toy crane—the one that Jonghyun, Minhyun, and Juyeon just played with days ago. 

Looking back at it now, it feels like it’s been a year since that happened—there’s so many things that happened in between, so many things that have changed in his life. It felt like months have passed by when actually, it’s only been a couple of days. 

“You look better now,” Aaron murmurs, turning to him. “You look a lot better than when I saw you at the ER, and the last time, too, years ago.” 

“I feel better,” Jonghyun answers. And it’s true. That’s the difference between the Jonghyun now and three days ago. Past-Jonghyun was nothing but a shell—like a lifebuoy floundering aimlessly in the sea, just riding the waves and staying afloat to be alive, too scared to wander further—too scared to accept reality, his failures, and to deal with things, to accept the fact he, too, has a chance. A chance to be forgiven, a chance to love, a chance to be loved for who he is.

And it’s thanks to Juyeon that Jonghyun realized that. The little angel who came into his life and woke him up from his facade, breaking everything he believed in, and giving him the courage to finally let go, freeing himself from his chains—something that Jonghyun never expected anyone could do, let alone a little child.

“That’s good. I’m glad that you feel better… This you… it reminds me of the boy that I admired years ago,” Aaron says. Jonghyun raises an eyebrow, confused, and Aaron smiles at him warmly. 

“I met him years ago, when he came to the orphanage to volunteer,” Aaron explains. “He was younger than me, yet he was full of confidence, of light, that everyone who’s next to him was immediately infatuated, like Icarus is to the sun…” Aaron pauses and smiles. “But instead of Icarus whose wings melted and tumbled into the sea, this boy was the opposite. He inspired the people next to him, motivated them to follow their dreams, and helped them in life. Like how the sun would light the dark skies, this boy, too, did that unknowingly.”

“That boy is cool.” 

“He is.” Aaron nods and smiles sincerely. “And he grew up into a fine man.” 

“You met him again?” Jonghyun asks. Aaron hums in reply. “You should introduce me to him, I could learn a thing or two.”

“There’s no need for that, it’s you after all,” Aaron replies, smiling when he sees the surprise on Jonghyun’s face. “You grew into a fine man, Jonghyun, and I know you’ll be an amazing father to Juyeon and partner to Minhyun.”

“Hyung—” 

Aaron shakes his head and faces front again. 

“You know, all those years that I was with them, I saw and realized a lot of things. How Minhyun struggled after you two broke up, how he fumbled clumsily to fill the role of a parent, and how, in time, he actually became one so naturally yet at the same time, he’s still him—still the same stupid and talkative boy who worries about everything and wouldn’t shut up but at the same time, as we both know, he’s still the most caring and warmhearted boy.” Aaron pauses and chuckles. “And all that time, as he matured through the years and became the man he is today—in every step, you were there with him. In the most mundane habits that he learned from you. When he buys Juyeon toys that weirdly, reminds me of you, and in those moments when he would suddenly grow quiet and ask how things would be, if you were there with them.” 

Aaron turns to him and smiles. “You were always there with them, Jonghyun. He never abandoned you. And I know, during the past few days that you spent with them, you felt that too.”

Jonghyun bites his lip—remembering all the moments that he shared with Minhyun and Juyeon. There was never a time that he felt that Minhyun stopped him nor made him feel unwelcome—more like, all this time, it was always him who set boundaries, it was always him who created walls to seperate them, just like how he did years ago with Minhyun.

It was always him who pushed Minhyun away, creating a huge wall between them, and it was always Minhyun who waited for him patiently until he’s ready to reach out. 

“So, this time, Jonghyun… please, don’t be stupid and do that again,” Aaron says, face serious. “This time, please, stay, even if things get hard. Stay or else, I’m taking them away from you.” And although that last line sounded more like a joke, Jonghyun knows that Aaron means it. Jonghyun nods, and he sees Aaron smile, before facing front again. “Good.” 

They stayed quiet after that, just watching the busy streets. It is after Jonghyun sees a family, with a father carrying his daughter on his shoulders, that Jonghyun breaks the silence. “Do you think I’ll be a good father, Hyung?” 

Aaron smiles, watching the family too. “You’re already one, Jonghyun.”

—

“...and they lived happily ever after,” Jonghyun murmurs with a smile, looking at the angel that had fallen asleep in his arms. He closes the book, quietly placing it on the desk beside Juyeon’s bed, so as not to wake her up. He then turns to their daughter, his hand brushing the stray hair off her face, and just watches her sleep.

The past couple of days made him begin to understand how it feels to be a real parent. How watching Juyeon sleep brings peace and serenity, and how seeing Juyeon fills his heart with all sorts of indescribable feelings, ranging from utter adoration to love that is so incomprehensible, and so unlike the ones that he would feel when it comes to dating. There’s also that feeling protectiveness in more ways than he expected he can be, and he knows he’ll protect Juyeon with all his life starting from now on.

“I love you, little one,” he says softly, kissing Juyeon’s forehead. “I’ll always be here for you and your dad… I promise, I won’t run away this time.” 

He hears a sound of sheets ruffling and peeks at the other side of Juyeon. He sees Minhyun pushing himself up with one arm, his other hand rubbing his eyes awake. 

Minhyun blinks at him. “Jonghyun...?” 

“Hey... sorry, did I wake you up?”

“It’s okay…” Minhyun shakes his head and stares at him then at Juyeon. “Did she wake up?”

“Yeah, she was awake when I got here,” Jonghyun answers, pulling the covers over Juyeon and placing the Squirtle stuffed toy in her arms. 

“What time did you arrive?”

“Two hours ago,” Jonghyun answers, reaching for the bottle of water next to him and passing it to Minhyun. Minhyun thanks him, before reaching for his phone and checking the time. There’s a frown in his face as he glances back at Juyeon disapprovingly. 

“She’s still awake at 9 p.m.? I should have known that she was faking it.”

Jonghyun chuckles, making Juyeon squirm in his arms. He softly pats Juyeon back to sleep. “She wasn’t faking it, she said she woke up because she was so hungry.”

“And you fed her?”

“I did, with oatmeal.”

“Please tell me that you at least put sugar in it,” Minhyun groans, pertaining to Juyeon’s sweet tooth, and how for the past days, Jonghyun had been too strict with her sugar intake.

“I put in a teaspoon of honey.”

“Jesus, Jonghyun,” Minhyun groans again, “She’s just a kid—let her have her freedom with sweet things.”

“I gave her honey, Minhyun, that’s enough sugar,” Jonghyun replies, voice stern. Minhyun rolls his eyes and Jonghyun does the same, before turning back to Juyeon with a proud smile. “She liked the oatmeal that I made, you know.” 

“Yeah, sure. I bet she complained a lot before she realized that you wouldn’t give in to her qualms,” Minhyun retorts with a snort, a knowing look on his face. Jonghyun glares, grumbling how he’s such a know-it-all, because it’s true—Juyeon complains a lot—and it was only because Jonghyun promised that he’ll buy her ice cream once she gets better that Juyeon finally agreed to eat the oatmeal. 

“You know she wouldn’t be like this if you didn’t give in to her,” Jonghyun answers back. Minhyun just rolls his eyes at him. “I’m serious, Minhyun-ah, you really should cut back on Juyeon’s sugar intake. It’s very unhealthy and it would only be harder to cut it back once she turns older. So instead of that unhealthy diet, try to change it by adding mixed vegetables in her meal. You can saute vegetables in butter and add corn in it, I’m sure she would like that—why are you staring at me like that?”

Minhyun chuckles. “I just find it amusing that you’re the one who’s nagging and strict about Juyeon’s meals, when back then, all you ever eat is instant ramyeon.”

“I still do, but Juyeon is a different case.”

Minhyun hums and turns to their daughter. There’s a smile on his lips thatJonghyun can’t help but copy. “That’s what parenting does to you, Jju. Next thing you know, you’ll get mad at every boy that stares at our daughter—” Minhyun stops, realizing what he had just said. But it’s already too late, Jonghyun already heard it.

This is the first that Minhyun has addressed Juyeon as “our daughter,” and though Minhyun had never told him he wasn’t, hearing it from him still makes Jonghyun so happy. It’s one thing knowing and feeling it—but hearing it makes it feel official—more official than signed papers with his name on Juyeon’s birth registry. He glances back at Minhyun and sees a blush on his face. Jonghyun smiles teasingly at him. 

“Does that mean, I’m officially his father, too?” 

Minhyun rolls his eyes and mumbles a shut up, making Jonghyun chuckle, which makes Juyeon squirm in her sleep again. Minhyun glares at him and Jonghyun mouths an “I’m sorry,” patting Juyeon to sleep again. 

“You’re right about that though...” Jonghyun starts once Juyeon’s breathing evens out. Minhyun raises a questioning eyebrow at him. “I mean the part with boys ogling her,” he explains. “I don’t think I can handle it when she turns into a teen, just imagining all the boys that would fall for her…” he grimaces. 

Minhyun sighs and nods, looking at Juyeon and caressing her cheek. “I know and I feel the same, but she can’t be single all her life, right?” 

“She can,” Jonghyun answers stubbornly, and Minhyun turns to him with a you-got-to-be-kidding look on his face. “Well, she has you… and if you let me…” he trails off, scratching his nape.

“Let you what?” Minhyun asks with his eyebrow raised, but Jonghyun can see the hint of that knowing and playful smile on his lips. It gives him the courage to say the words that he has wanted to ask all this time.

“If you let me in,” Jonghyun pauses, and Minhyun softly chuckles, understanding what he means to say and nods for him to continue. “... in your lives.”

“Hmmm… let me think about that,” Minhyun answers, complete with a fake pondering look.

“Seriously? After you said, ‘our daughter’?”

“Uh-huh, seriously,” Minhyun quips, beaming at him with that annoying look on his face. Jonghyun rolls his eyes. “Did you just roll your eyes at me, Kim Jonghyun?”

“Of course, not,” Jonghyun answers, fakely, and the both of them laugh. It’s only when Juyeon groans in her sleep that they stop, waiting until Juyeon softly snores again.

“Why didn’t you stop me from leaving that day?” Minhyun asks, voice not more than a whisper. Jonghyun turns to Minhyun and sees him still looking at Juyeon. He can see the way Minhyun has turned stiff, his thumb digging a mark on his forefinger.

Jonghyun follows Minhyun’s line of sight and bites his lip. He knows that sooner or later, Minhyun would ask him about this, especially since Nayoung stupidly told Minhyun some parts of what had happened before. And despite the fact that he’s scared of what Minhyun will think of him and how undeserving he is to be in their lives… he knows this is the right thing to do. 

After all, Aaron is right. If he would do the same thing _ — _ putting walls between him and Minhyun _ — _ things won’t be different to how it was before. He takes a deep breath. “Because I was scared.” 

_ “Rhythm check,” Jonghyun asks in between pants of breath. He can feel his sweat dripping down his face to his neck as his hands push up and down on Hayoun’s chest. _

_ “Jonghyun, let’s give up—” _

_ “Just do what I asked of you, Dongho,” Jonghyun growls through gritted teeth. He glances at the monitor and sees that it’s still in PEA. “Charge the defibrillator to 350 joules.” _

_ “It’s been more than 20 minutes, Jonghyun—we have to stop—” _

_ “NO,” Jonghyun yells, glaring at Dongho. “Charge the defibrillator now.” _

_ “Jonghyun—” Jonghyun ignores Dongho and turns to Hayoun, pushing his hand down as he begs and begs for Hayoun to come back. _

_ Hayoun-ah, you promised that you’ll fight, so please—please, please, just one more, please Hayoun, come back please, I beg you. _

_ “Defibrillator—” _

_ “Doctor Kim.” He sees a hand over his, stopping him. He looks up and sees Hayoun’s mother with tears in her face, smiling sadly. Jonghyun stops himself from letting out a sob. “It’s okay, le-let’s stop…” _

_ “Mrs. Lee—” Hayoun’s mother shakes his head and tightens her grip on his hand.  _

_ “It’s okay, We know you did your best, Doctor. Thank you.” _

“Jonghyun..?” He feels Minhyun's tight grip on his hand. He offers a small smile and takes a deep breath.

“You remember, Hayoun, right?” Jonghyun asks, and Minhyun nods. ”I… I lost her back then…” he explains, pausing and biting his lip—remembering how Hayoun once was, how bubbly she was despite her health condition. He couldn’t help but be fond of the girl despite knowing he shouldn’t get close to a patient. He remembers the countless times he dropped by Hayoun’s room, joking with her, teasing her, and even promising her that once she’s out of the hospital and healthy, he’ll treat her to a meal and introduce her to his daughter. Hayoun had nodded excitedly, telling him that she would love that and she couldn’t wait to be an unnie.

But that didn’t happen.

Hayoun didn’t survive.

“I know… that it could happen and it’s not my fault, but still... still... it feels that way. I wasn’t able to save her, Minhyun-ah, all because I was too late.” Vivid images of Hayoun then fill his brain. How Hayoun, bright and sunny Hayoun, lay lifeless in her bed—that no matter what he does, it was already too late. 

“So when you asked me that day if I won’t change my mind, I said yes. Because how could I? I couldn’t even save a patient and I know that stopping you from leaving... will just hurt you,” Jonghyun whispers, clenching his fist and looking at Minhyun apologetically. Minhyun reaches for Jonghyun’s hand, taking it in his, and nods for him to continue. 

“I treated you like shit back then, Minhyun, when all you did was care for me,” Jonghyun tiredly smiled. “That even though I wanted so badly to ask you to stay, I can’t, not with everything that I did to you... and the fact that I know I couldn’t be a good father, I just couldn’t.”

“You don’t know it that time, you could be a good father, you are a good father now, Jonghyun—” Minhyun starts to say but Jonghyun shakes his head, cutting Minhyun off.

“At that time, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t even keep a simple promise to you, I wasn’t able to save Hayoun, so how could I raise a child?” Jonghyun closes his eyes, his hold on Minhyun’s hand tightens. 

“Jonghyun…” Minhyun says, sitting up and reaching for him, hugging him tight. And that’s when he realized that he was already shaking and crying. “Sshh… it’s okay, Jonghyun, it’s okay, it’s not your fault, you did your best.” Minhyun rubs soothing circles on his back as he lets everything out, apologizing to Minhyun over and over again as Minhyun murmurs that it’s okay. 

“It’s not me who you should ask forgiveness for, Jonghyun-ah, it’s yourself,” Minhyun whispers, pulling away from him. “Rather than me, Juyeon, and Hayoun, it’s you who you need to forgive, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun nods and pulls Minhyun again close to him and hugs him tight. He feels Minhyun kiss the top of his head, and he smiles slightly. “Thank you, Hyun-ah.” 

“You’re welcome, Jju,” Minhyun murmurs, pulling away and caressing his cheek. “But no more secrets from now on, okay? I want you to tell me everything.”

“Like everything, everything?” Jonghyun asks teasingly between sniffs. Minhyun nods, passing him a tissue and nods.

“Yes, everything, everything.”

“Then,” he takes a deep breath and stares at Minhyun. “I love you.”

Minhyun smiles at him and gives his hand a squeeze. “I love you too.”

“I love you, three,” Juyeon adds, smiling sleepily at them. They both turn to Juyeon and laugh. “So, is uncle my dad now, dad?”

Minhyun turns to Jonghyun with a teasing smile on his face. “Hmmm… do you want him to be, Juyeon?”

Juyeon turns to Jonghyun with the same teasing smile, then shrugs and yawns, closing her eyes. “Well, I guess.”

“Wow, what a tsun,” Jonghyun comments, staring at their daughter with an amused smile. Minhyun chuckles, then shakes his head, pulling him to lie down and closing his eyes.

“He got that from you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this will be my last full chap so meaning, I shall blab and this will be a long ending note, so please get a drink or a cake or anything or maybe just don’t read this. *slurps milk tea*
> 
> So, first and foremost,  
> I want to thank G for tweeting this prompt 😂 this all started with cheese-nim’s tweet, and look where we are now, almost at the end 😂 this collab was hella of a writing experience, it wasn’t easy, it was hella tough and there are a lot of times wherein I just want to give up (I did, countless of times). But aside from the hell of roller coaster ride, I want to thank my partner, G, for staying and for being understanding, and patient, not only with my mood swings, but also whenever I became... too scary. I love you, G. 😂 and ofc, the glue that bind us together, J. Our very amazing, most patient and motherly fairy godmother (I didn’t call you co-sperm this time, bec what you did isn’t just co-sperming) thank you for holding our hand, smacking our heads, and ofc, guiding (and cutting) our babies. Without you, this story would have gone way off (really) and won’t return. 😂
> 
> Second and second-most,  
> I want to thank everyone who loved and supported this story. Thank you for always leaving kudos and comments, and sometimes (in Jonghyun’s povs mostly) death threats. Without you guys I wouldn’t be so inspired to write ass-Jonghyun and he would have been a nice guy by chapter 7 (I’m kidding, the whole Jonghyun-ass has been planned out). And to everybody who saw through (very very very) underneath Jonghyun’s façade, and to the people who felt Seongwu’s pain, thank you. 
> 
> Third, third-most, and lastly,  
> I learned a lot writing Jonghyun’s pov.  
> It was tough, hell, it was a toxic ride going through his mind, his pain, his self-depreciating thingies, that at most times, I, too, was riding that wave. But as I write Doctor Jju’s side of the story, I learned a lot of thingies, just like how Jonghyun came out from his cave of darkness, I hope we too, would. And that when someone reaches out, may it be the Mario (Mary) Sue, Doctor Ong, or the too-loving and caring, Minhyun, we too should be brave enough to take their hand and leave the cave of darkness. 
> 
> Always remember that in life, there would always be darkness, it wouldn’t go, it would always be there—but so does the light. So don’t be scared, don’t give up yet, and hold onto that—even if sometimes, it’s so hard to do. 
> 
> Find your light guys, and hold onto it tight. 🤗
> 
> That’s all, thank you for reading my Ending speech (Ted Talk) and thank you guys, from G & J, and to everyone who is here 🤗 I love you all 😘
> 
> —end of Anya’s ending speech *slurps milk tea*—


End file.
